Somebody

Marriage is such a tricky game. In writing that I realize that it's cliche and that everyone knows it. Truly though, it always seems to be that the moment I feel ultra sure and confident that moment slides right into the next one where I'm unsure and it's a rocky road.

Ideally, the word blissful is what I would wish for and should demand from life. You know, if demanding could be considered blissful.

The last couple of weeks have hovered right around that bumpy, pot-holed, rocky, no shoulder to pull off on road. The directions and map we were given were obviously out of date and we're too cheap to buy a GPS that could guarantee that we'd know our way down the path to find the happiness we both know we deserve and want to give to each other.

There have been moments where I've grabbed his hand and have known that we would make it down that road only to start fighting instantly about the temperature in the car or where to make our next fuel stop.

The last few days have been better with only a few bumps to set us off. This morning I found him studying my face. And, then he looked in my eyes and said "We're getting old".

I glanced at my jar of moisturizer sitting right next to me and thought, "traitor".

I think he saw that it upset me and quickly he explained that he wasn't looking at my face he was looking at my tits. Which really didn't make me feel better about the $6000 I just spent on those. He stumbled through an explanation about how the 60 year old receptionist told him he had sexy hair yesterday.

I laughed it away and swallowed the feelings of self-consciousness that I knew were going to stay with me for a while. I still study my pores every day because of a comment he made 4 years ago.

As I made my way through jumbled traffic, under cloudy, dark skies and spotty rain showers I noticed my heart felt heavy. What happens in life? How do we end up here, having these conversations?

I pulled into work and fumbled with my umbrella, getting drizzled on while I wrestled with the very thing that was supposed to shelter me. It seemed like a convoluted metaphor for marriage.

I walked up the path to the front door and ran into a newly married co-worker and asked him how married life was treating him. Smiling, he regaled me with a happy little response about how it is so nice being with her all the time now and waking up to her face every day.

I sighed as I made my way to my desk.

I pressed the power button on the computer and waited for life to spring into the dark screen. In my inbox was an email from my husband. Expecting the usual "good morning" greeting, what I saw instead surprised me, awed me and brought tears to my eye. He knows. Somehow, he always knows.

The words to our song were there. The very words we walked down the aisle to.

I want somebody to share
Share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts
Know my intimate details
Someone who'll stand by my side
And give me support
And in return
Shell get my support
She will listen to me
When I want to speak
About the world we live in
And life in general
Though my views may be wrong
They may even be perverted
She'll hear me out
And won't easily be converted
To my way of thinking
In fact she'll often disagree
But at the end of it all
She will understand me


I want somebody who cares
For me passionately
With every thought and
With every breath
Someone who'll help me see things
In a different light
All the things I detest
I will almost like
I don't want to be tied
To anyones strings
I'm carefully trying to steer clear of
Those things
But when I'm asleep
I want somebody
Who will put their arms around me
And kiss me tenderly
Though things like this
Make me sick
In a case like this
I'll get away with it

And it's true. Often times, things like this, so saccharine, make me feel a little ill. But he is my 'somebody' and he always knows when to swoop in and be that boy I fell in love with.