Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Somebody

Marriage is such a tricky game. In writing that I realize that it's cliche and that everyone knows it. Truly though, it always seems to be that the moment I feel ultra sure and confident that moment slides right into the next one where I'm unsure and it's a rocky road.

Ideally, the word blissful is what I would wish for and should demand from life. You know, if demanding could be considered blissful.

The last couple of weeks have hovered right around that bumpy, pot-holed, rocky, no shoulder to pull off on road. The directions and map we were given were obviously out of date and we're too cheap to buy a GPS that could guarantee that we'd know our way down the path to find the happiness we both know we deserve and want to give to each other.

There have been moments where I've grabbed his hand and have known that we would make it down that road only to start fighting instantly about the temperature in the car or where to make our next fuel stop.

The last few days have been better with only a few bumps to set us off. This morning I found him studying my face. And, then he looked in my eyes and said "We're getting old".

I glanced at my jar of moisturizer sitting right next to me and thought, "traitor".

I think he saw that it upset me and quickly he explained that he wasn't looking at my face he was looking at my tits. Which really didn't make me feel better about the $6000 I just spent on those. He stumbled through an explanation about how the 60 year old receptionist told him he had sexy hair yesterday.

I laughed it away and swallowed the feelings of self-consciousness that I knew were going to stay with me for a while. I still study my pores every day because of a comment he made 4 years ago.

As I made my way through jumbled traffic, under cloudy, dark skies and spotty rain showers I noticed my heart felt heavy. What happens in life? How do we end up here, having these conversations?

I pulled into work and fumbled with my umbrella, getting drizzled on while I wrestled with the very thing that was supposed to shelter me. It seemed like a convoluted metaphor for marriage.

I walked up the path to the front door and ran into a newly married co-worker and asked him how married life was treating him. Smiling, he regaled me with a happy little response about how it is so nice being with her all the time now and waking up to her face every day.

I sighed as I made my way to my desk.

I pressed the power button on the computer and waited for life to spring into the dark screen. In my inbox was an email from my husband. Expecting the usual "good morning" greeting, what I saw instead surprised me, awed me and brought tears to my eye. He knows. Somehow, he always knows.

The words to our song were there. The very words we walked down the aisle to.

I want somebody to share
Share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts
Know my intimate details
Someone who'll stand by my side
And give me support
And in return
Shell get my support
She will listen to me
When I want to speak
About the world we live in
And life in general
Though my views may be wrong
They may even be perverted
She'll hear me out
And won't easily be converted
To my way of thinking
In fact she'll often disagree
But at the end of it all
She will understand me


I want somebody who cares
For me passionately
With every thought and
With every breath
Someone who'll help me see things
In a different light
All the things I detest
I will almost like
I don't want to be tied
To anyones strings
I'm carefully trying to steer clear of
Those things
But when I'm asleep
I want somebody
Who will put their arms around me
And kiss me tenderly
Though things like this
Make me sick
In a case like this
I'll get away with it

And it's true. Often times, things like this, so saccharine, make me feel a little ill. But he is my 'somebody' and he always knows when to swoop in and be that boy I fell in love with.

24 comments:

KaritaG said...

OMG that is soooooo sweet!

And, that's all I can say about that right now.

Captain Steve said...

That is really sweet. And remarkable. A boy who attempts to fix things when he fucks them up? You are a lucky girl, even if he does stick his foot so far in his mouth he's kicking a kidney sometimes.

ghost of keywork said...

I used to like that song. Then the person that introduced me to it did me the wonderful service of filing for divorce. Whatevs. I'm glad it's a good song for you, it makes me want to kill homeless people.

Betsey Booms said...

Ghost - It used to be the ringer on my phone, until one time we had a huge fight and as he was calling me it made me want to throw my phone and then go kill homeless people. So I thought it best to not have it as my ringer anymore.

ghost of keywork said...

So, you're in a better mood today, Tits?

Rhett said...

That is so touching.

Rhett

Dirty Pirate Hooker said...

That's sweet. I have no fucking clue what song that is either. Unless it has 'shake that ass' in it...I usually don't.

ghost of keywork said...

Man, in catholic school there was this kid named Rhett. We all made fun of him. Well, because he was on the school football team and a few of my teammates and I gave him shit because he returned a kickoff for a safety. Yes, he ran the ball right into our endzone. Asshole. Hopefully you aren't the same guy. This is awkward.

Betsey Booms said...

I am, seemingly, in a better mood.

And unless that idiot Rhett kid that you know, Ghost, moved to India, it doesn't look like they are one in the same.

And seriously, DPH, I won't hold it against you.

Hubs and I are Depeche Mode Geeks.

ghost of keywork said...

It could happen, Tits.

Betsey Booms said...

It could. And I could wake up tomorrow and not be a tired, old hag.

But I think you and I both know the slim possibility of that.

ghost of keywork said...

Yeah, guess its like that stupid ugly child thing, huh?

Betsey Booms said...

Really? Are we going to start on that again?

How about you just wait until you get it from DPH this weekend to talk to me again.

On Monday, you can come in, bright, happy and with manners.

Or something.

Dirty Pirate Hooker said...

Will you hold other things against me, Tits? Like your tits?

Betsey Booms said...

DPH, get in line. Mr. Booms just asked for that this morning.

But, for the record, my son says "boobs" every time I take my shirt off now.

He also says "Pepe" when his diaper is off, so I'm not sure what that means.

Dirty Pirate Hooker said...

Tell Mr. Booms to get in line...I have needs too!

ghost of keywork said...

Jesus you're touchy these days. Can't promise anything on the 'manners' front.

Betsey Booms said...

No, Jesus is in line for the touchy too.

Mr. Booms no likey to waity for the touchy.

I'm not holding my breath on the manners.

Blue's not my color.

Maggie, Dammit said...

The most complicated part is how complicated the complicated parts are. If that makes sense.

I hear you girl. I hear you.

Sarah said...

Awesome post. Awesome song.

ajillofalltrades said...

Certainly no GPS exists for marriage, but every once in a while it is nice to accidentaly take a wrong turn and end up somewhere you never expected because at the end of the road. At the end of the day.

It's still just you two. That's all that matters.

Thus, mine and my hub's song...Thank You by Led Zeppelin.

"When mountains crumble to the sea, there will still be you and me."

Bluestreak said...

Betsey - I´m glad I´m not the only one overeffected by little comments my husband makes. But fucking age happens. And because it bites so damn hard, that´s why you fill your life with other things that are not meant to deteriorate with age...like companionship.

That Chick Over There said...

I love you guys.

ConverseMomma said...

I have always loved that song. I was so afraid to give myself over to someone else, but I am so thankful I did.