Tuesday, August 4, 2009

In Picking David Bowie Lyrics I Should Go With Chh-chh-Changes, but I'm Going With Moonlight, Serious Moonlight

My eyes are puffy and bleary which only means one thing! I've been crying like a wee baby and it was necessary to sing David Bowie at the top of my lungs on the way to work and marvel at the fact that if I had Karoke balls, I'd go out this weekend and rock the DB. I'd rock Mr. Bowie's tunes so freaking hard that you'd be all, "she is a hard rockin' (something that is surprising in how hard it rocks) thing".

And you see how I didn't rock hard at all right there? That's to add to the air of mystery that is going to shroud my hard rockin'ness.

So lately? I've been putting all this thought into how people are all judgy and waste their time thinking about things that make them seem cool. And by cool, I mean hip. And by hip, I mean, seriously? You take yourself that seriously? Or they do the opposite and they waste all this time thinking about how they are the opposite of hip. Or better yet... and this is my favorite. I am totally and I mean completely enthralled by people who think that the beer they drink defines them.

I could think of 100 things, wait no... (uh, 1, 2, 3...) Okay, I could think of maybe FIVE things that define me and my beer? It ain't one of them. But here is the thing, I find that I'm totally amused and want to be best friends with people who ARE concerned about how their beer defines them. And not because I think their awesomeness will rub off on me, but because I really, really want to get into their minds to find out what makes them tick.

All I know, is that by the end of that voyage? I'd want an icy, cold, Miller Fucking Lite. Because that is what is in my garage RIGHT NOW. Oooh, or better yet? A Michelob Ultra. Because I think THAT beer says, "I'm chubby, drunk and like the taste of fermented water." Because all of that? Is who I am. Well the drunk part is just a fraction of the time, but now we're getting into semantics.

I know, you? Yeah, you are fucking wowed right now. And I spent like a whole, I dunno, 5 seconds on my beer decision. I've mastered this.

Also? Yes, way back deep somewhere in my most reptilian mind, I probably feel that I'm just slightly more rad because I don't care that much.

But what makes me the hippest? Is that if I was in a bar that played, oh say, C'mon Eileen, I'd totally be all, "This place sucks!" and walk out after throwing my can of beer on the floor. But then I'd have to bend over and pick up my wood grain coozie.


PS BoomTube has moved to Saturday night and it's only a half hour now. Because you can't stretch this kind of fantastic out for a full hour. You just can't. So don't ask.

PPS This change already means that Jason and I are more than likely already pitted up against each other in the same time spot. He has an hour long set that might be aired at the same time. We're pulling out the cardboard dance floor tonight and having this crazy mad dance off to prove to just ourselves who is more awesome so that you, the people, don't have to.

PPSS If McCain and Obama had done that, we'd no longer be a democracy, but we'd be the coolest fucking nation in the Universe! You can bank on that!


IB said...

I'm a bud-lite man, myself. I drink it over ice so it never warms up. Why? 'cause warm bud-lite tastes like ass, and not in a good way.

J said...

Beer is gross, and that is what defines me. If you asked me to pick my beer I would probably go upchuck.

If you and Jason have a dance-off I am coming to watch!!

the slackmistress said...

My favorite beer is what's in the fridge.

Organic Meatbag said...

I know now you are awesome...I am a Bowie fanatic!! I was just to Loving The Alien today!

Gypsy said...

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say Obama would have won that smack down. McCain would have broken a hip.

As long as my beer isn't Rolling Rock, Ice House, or Heineken, I'm good. Oh, or wait, Busch or Natural Light. Or Milwaukee's Best.

By the Seat said...

I am wowed. I fucking love Miller Fucking Lite. AND Miller Fucking Lite Chill. I mean that shit's only 100 calories so if I have 3 or 4 I call it dinner. But I'll drink whatever's free. THAT MAKES ME COOL dammit.

Annabelle said...

I am completely defined by my beer. Bubbly, cheap and easily accessible by anyone over 21.

Not Afraid to Use It said...

Oh man, Come On Eileen? You know you'd have to do the jump up and down thing!

Sadly, I have no opinion in the beer arena. I don't drink it. I don't drink anything carbonated. That bad habit got me nominated DD at every college party I went to. It sucked.

cozzie laura said...

I just had this debate this weekend. Beer is pretty much beer (esp. here were we don't have all of your fancy types) I had a long debate with someone who claims they can tell the difference between Sol and Corona.

I love me some Bowie, but I like the obscure stuff, I was totally rocking out to "five years" at a traffic light the other day, much to the delight of the 5 people in the car next to me!! Good Times!

Miss Yvonne said...

Well, now I can never invite you over to my house to sing drunk karaoke because you'd be throwing cans of beer all over my house after hearing all our lame-ass songs and I am not cleaning dried up beer off my floors the next day.

Also, Michelob Ultra is my favorite beer and my brother-in-law makes fun of me for drinking it, but then I'm all "Okay Mr. I Drink German and Irish beer because I think it makes me look like I know what I'm talking about over here with my red hair and goatee and look at how smart I am" and then he stops talking to me for the rest of the night. So it's a win-win, is what I'm saying.

Mongoliangirl said...

Yet another reason I'm glad I never let what beer I drink define me as a person.
'Cause, I mean, I don't drink at all and that would mean I was thinking of myself as a big fat nothing or something.

for a different kind of girl said...

I'll pretty much drink whatever is cold and in a bottle, but if it's not in a bottle, I'm not going to pooh pooh it.

adrienne said...


i'm not gonna go with the whole 'what beer do i drink thing'. i'm gonna be a maverick and say if it were david bowie karaoke night, i would HAVE to sing 'rock n roll suicide'.

folks are all impressed with a five foot tall black lady who can sing it with her eyes closed in a totally rock n roll way 'cause she knows all the lyrics and on top of that sings it all bass and then they say 'shit, you sound like a man!' and then i blush all humble. good times.

that would be a good one for you too, because on top of singing it all bass you have those boom booms which would make it extra ironic, you know?

Hockey Girl said...

Wine in a box anyone?

Rassles said...

Why do I feel like this might have been slightly influenced by the blog I wrote the other day...

My entire life revolves around things I think are cool, and usually I get made fun of for it. Whatever. They can't handle Alexander Hamilton and Loggins, is what's what.

Also, I am going to be the dissenter: Miller Lite tastes so NOT like beer. I always get mad at it. I like, drink it, and then I look at it and think, "You should be more delicious than this, Mr. Deceptively Pretty Glass of Beer." And then I get a Sam Adams. Because I am a fucking patriot.

Betsey Booms said...

Rassles, you only influenced this in the very best way possible.

You've opened my eyes to what other people go through, when I take cracking my beer open and taking a drink for granted.