Friday, May 22, 2009

Frankly, I'm Exhausted

Honestly, I just don't have the mental capacity to write anything that makes total sense. However, a few interesting things have developed in the last day or so.

First of all, I picked up my father in law at the bus station last night. He was an alcoholic and homeless for years.

So I guess I'm not really sure why I was so surprised when I got out of the shower this morning and through the open window I hear the sound of a beer opening on the back deck... At 6:30 AM.

Now, granted, it was NA beer. But, you know, it just seemed kind of not right.

I was really struggling this morning, so perhaps I should have cracked a beer myself and claimed hair of the dog. Last night I stayed up way too late, sitting on the back deck, drinking cocktails and listening to my brother's tales of woe.

One story in particular is still sitting in the front of my head this morning because the sheer audacity of some people is really amusing to me.

My kid brother has this friend, and I use the term lightly, let's call him Mack. Mack and my bro have been friends for years. Since they were just fresh faced kids in school. They've been through all the usual junk that your formative years hold. Some years ago, Mack moved to NYC with his girlfriend. Said girlfriend dumped Mack shortly after he moved, leaving him to fend for himself in the big bad city. When Mack called upon my brother to help him move back, my brother jumped in his car on a Friday and went to help and was back at work on Monday morning.

My brother put a trailer hitch on his Volvo to pull the U-Haul trailer back, which they ended up not being able to get, so he then put Mack's moped in the trunk of his Volvo and back to KC they came.

They've had adventures like this for a long time now.

The point of this story is simply to lead you to the next awesome act of friendship my brother did for this guy. It seems Mack was in receipt of some student aide to take some online classes that he didn't really feel were worth his while. Mack cooked up the bright idea that my brother would help take these classes for him and Mack would pay him $150 to do so. As it turns out, my brother helped the kid get a B in one class but he received a D in the other because Mack failed to mention the due date on an extremely important paper.

Fast forward to this week. The camera store my photog brother worked at has closed, putting him out of work. My brother has a small legal issue and is need of cash. Calling in the $150 Mack said he'd pay him for the classes was necessary at this time. Repeatedly Mack says, "Sure man, I've got it." The day my brother goes to get it, Mack calls him and says this:

"Dude, I've got a moral dilemma with paying you the money. You didn't really get a good grade in the class so morally, I just feel like I can't pay you the full amount, but I've got fifty bucks for you."


"STOP!", I yelled. My brother looks at me. "Seriously? He's having a moral struggle over paying you the full amount he said he would to have you LIE for him. A moral dilemma?"

My bro looks at me, slowly nodding his head like I'm an idiot. "Wait, do you see the huge problem here? That's like saying, I'm not going to pay you for killing that guy, because all you did was maim him and now he's just a quadriplegic and not a dead one! I just can't, because my morals won't let me."

Realization lights up my brother's face, "Hey, yeah, that's more jacked than I thought!"

"No really, it's like telling the hooker you just told to give you blow job that you won't pay her now because she only licked one ball and morally you feel that's just not right!"


Not Afraid to Use It said...

You are right. The moron count is high. Good on you for saying something. Great post.

Dirty Pirate Hooker said...

Is hobo FIL aware that NA beer has a low alcoholic count? I learned that in Jr High when the liquor store sold me O'Doul's and the cops took it from me and fined the liquor store owner.

Also? Was there a contingency that your brother get a good grade in all of the classes in order to get the $150? Then besides the "moral" issue his DB friend has, he's got nothin!

Gypsy said...

Have you seen Making the Grade? You should make your brother watch it.

But, yeah. That guy's a douche.

Logical Libby said...

I really was agreeing with Mack until you said the ball licking thing. Now I am totally on your side.

Rassles said...

It's more like telling the hooker you just told to give you blow job that you won't pay her now because she's not too good at sucking cock, and you feel like morally she doesn't deserve to be paid for doing her job but not well enough.

Which is ridiculous, because hookers are excellent cocksuckers as a rule. So in a way, the entire metaphor is bunk.

erin said...

I've had the exact same conversations with my baby brother many times, except my baby brother is the 'Mack' in the story.

Wow, that was awkward said...

They should have had a sliding scale pay agreement. The higher the grade, the higher the payment. Hindsight...

Only getting one ball licked just isn't right, btw.

Vodka Mom said...

oh my God.

It's a crazy damn life, isn't it??

Mongoliangirl said...

Oy vey. That guy. Wait, are you sure my brother isn't Mack and your brother isn't me like, 15 years ago putting up with all of his shit?