Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Dry Roasted Edamame And Why They Are Going To Kill Me

Yeah, it seems kind of useless to devote a post to St. Patty's day. Mostly? Because the whole point of the day is to get drunk and piss green.

I'm totally for those things. I mean, really, I live like every weekend is a tad St. Patty's like. And, I've learned over time if you actually piss green, it's not always cause to go to the doctor. Not until like the tenth time or so.

Chance are most of you are going to be drunk today and doing things like wearing too many cheap plastic beads, stupid hats and maybe even showing your boobs. Also? Donning shirts that dare people to do things like Kiss You Because You Went To Some College but if anyone really kissed you, you'd be all freaked out and then might spend an hour in the bathroom crying and heaving. So you won't be reading this, you'll be reading bathroom quotes and scripture scribbled with a Sharpie on the walls of a stall that no longer has a door and toilet paper all over the floor, but not a single usable square on the actual roll. You'll want to throw your shoes away at the end of the day, because really? Do you know what you've stepped in?

Oh and if I eat one more dry roasted edamame I am going barf my brains out. I just can't stop. And they taste like shit. Not just shit, but like they just might have been sitting in your grandma's basement forever and you just found them and were all, oh here's a good looking snack, sort of reminiscent of dried up bug bodies but more soy bean like. And if you put them with Light, Fat Free Lemon Cream Pie yogurt it's just fucking sick. But it didn't stop me. And here am, doing some weird variation of slurping and crunching and my stomach is yelling at me to stop, stop, stop! And then I tried to wash it down with a Diet 7*UP and it's like a big stew of diet nasty in my belly.

With that, I'm off to find some place that 20 people can walk to, sit outside, eat lunch and drink beers in a city that hosts the third or fourth largest St. Pat's parade in the country.

15 comments:

Immoral Matriarch said...

"And then I tried to wash it down with a Diet 7*UP and it's like a big stew of diet nasty in my belly."

Wow.

for a different kind of girl said...

The stew line? Yeah, that damn near got me off breakfast!

I'm having lunch at Dairy Queen later with my dad and kids, because we're fancy like that. I may have a Oreo mint Blizzard, just to get some green in today. And to blow that big stew of diet nasty bit out of my head!

Bridget said...

pssssh story of my life.

rachie! said...

gross. you are gross.

Betsey Booms said...

Rachie - look keister stash, you can stick it and you know exactly where.

KaritaG said...

The other night I ate some triscuits, tzitziki dip, imitation crab meat, a piece of string cheese, and some cherry vanilla ice cream for dinner. No rhyme or reason but at least it wasn't diet nasty. Have fun today, we already did the parade spiel on Saturday and are headed out again tonight...ugh.

Miss Yvonne said...

Fat Free Lemon Cream Pie yogurt?? No no no noooo!!

Is it weird that I think that the yogurt is worse than the edamame?

Johnny B. Truant said...

If I drank, which I don't, I'd go nuts on green beer today and then eat a bunch of oatmeal and then when I threw up, I'd try to forget the green beer and see if I could freak myself out because my barf would look like that one-eyed guy from Monsters, Inc.

PLO said...

I wonder if you put an edamame in a Guinness if you would get a fountain like mentos and diet coke!?!

Rassles said...

I really, really, really want to get good and drunk tonight, but most unforch is the understanding that I was drunk on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, and I have to save money for Nola next week.

So boo on me.

Dirty Pirate Hooker said...

The punk LOVES dry roasted edamame. I think it's the devil's food.

Also, I feel drunk still.

Trouble said...

Dude, your blog is just that awesome. SOO SOOO awesome. I love me some Betsy.

You cranky hot topic goth girl, you.

Gwen said...

Yum, Diet Nasty. I could totally market that.

Chris said...

You eat those edamame like I eat Cheeze-its. Who do you want to bet gets dysentary first?

kaila said...

I, for one, have never had edamame, so I can't really comment on that. I didn't have anything green, but I did drink my share of beer. Oh, and I called in take-out for our corned beef and cabbage...LAME.