Tuesday, February 10, 2009

When The Universe Speaks and People Fling Dog Crap, You Better Listen

Hold on, because I'm about to blow that melon of yours right off your shoulders.

Yeah, you read me right. And, when I say I'm going to blow your mind, I don't mean blow your mind like how mine was blown the other day when my husband not only woke me and himself up by yelling at me in his sleep, but evidently, he was so pissed at dream me he broke his front tooth too.

He broke his tooth yelling at me in his sleep. That's hardcore.

Nor am I going to blow your mind the way my husband did again, when he frantically told me that everyone in our house was going to get sick because I was obviously capable of some ultimate wizardry of the immune system or perhaps can manipulate the germ population. Because when I said we'd all end up sick for our vacation, obviously I brought down a curse upon our house, because I'm that black magical and mystical, bitches.

No, I'm going to blow your mind like I'm Ronnie James Dio or like Huey FRICKING Lewis. That's right. You can't even comprehend, can you? I may blow your mind like I'm Kenny "The Mind Blower" Loggins - but that is a big claim and I'm not sure that I'm man enough to take you into THAT Danger Zone!

So, today I was cruising down the highway on my way to meet Jason at that mecca of nasty deliciousness that is home of the best sandwich EVER! I'm talking the Filet O Fish. Holla. And, around here we have these crazy, rad, daredevil cops that stand on the side of the highway with radar guns and STEP OUT IN FRONT OF SPEEDING CARS to stop them and give them tickets.

As I changed lanes from behind one car to get behind the other that was going almost as slow, I saw the reason why. Crazy daredevil at 10:00. Right as I noticed him, noticing me, he stepped out into the street. The car in front of me slowed and went by. The cop stepped right in front of my car. I either had to stop or pull over, mostly because I didn't have time for a high speed chase with a cop on foot. So I started to pull over and as I pulled over the cop, who was all of 7 feet in front of my car, shook his head and pointed to the car behind me.

And I was totally speeding.

As the cop waved me on, my brain began to unfuzz and I heard the DJ on the radio loud and clear and she said these two words:


Yeah! That's right.

And then? Then I heard the Power of Love by Huey FRICKING Lewis and the Mo'Fahking News. I know what you're thinking, totally different M.J. Fox movie.

But come on, you gotta admit, if that's not a sign, what the hell is?

Also? While I was at lunch I missed some guy coming in and slamming a bag of dog shit down on my desk because he was mad at my boss.


J said...

That shit is crazy. My brain is all over my desk from the mind-blowingness of it all.

I totally would have gotten the ticket.

Or hit the cop.


Rassles said...

What did I tell you? WHAT DID I TELL YOU?


This shit is so crazy.

Maggie, Dammit said...

This Teen Wolf stuff is seriously starting to scare me.

KaritaG said...

ohmahfrickingah it's SYNCHRONICITY baby...shit like that happens to me all the time. good for you. and your karma and stuff.

for a different kind of girl said...

I am literally scraping up brain matter off my laptop as I type this comment because my mind is completely and utterly blown! Seriously!

Lisa..... said...

Well I got the ticket. And it sucked ass.

I'm coming to hang out with you.

Anonymous said...


That's all I have to say!!


Miss Yvonne said...

Damn...the power of the Teen Wolf is strong in you.

Come on now, you can't leave the bag of shit on your desk story like that! Give it up, lady.

Bird Shit and Baby Caca said...

OMG it's the Apocalypse!