Tuesday, February 10, 2009

This Isn't The Best Post In The World, It's Just The Tribute

In a flash of brilliance I opened my eyes. The most amazingly funny post was soaring around inside my mind.

It swept and swooped and wound itself into an afghan blanket of creativity, humor and heart. When I typed it, flames would shoot from my fingertips and angels would sing.

I would be the Black Sabbath of the blogging world. I would rock blogging arenas like The Rolling Stones or U2.

The Superbowl half time show would never be the same. It would be creative readings of my blog set to marching bands and compilation rock bands that Dave Grohl would be the drummer of. The drummer for all of them, because that is what Dave Grohl does.

After all the fame hit, I'd eventually wear out and they'd have to bring in a new front blogger to take over the reigns. I would have to get hair plugs and extensions. The leather pants would never fit me the same and I would have developed a drug problem and would be in and out of rehab, sometimes not wearing underwear under my skirt, sometimes I'd simply be found naked in a wood pile in some strangers back yard.

But after years of drifting in and out of the spotlight, I'd make a glorious come back and my mind would heal, even if my body didn't and I'd be waddling around like Ozzy Osbourne. I'd have an extremely funny reality show that showed the craziness of my life but that behind all the glitz, glamour and shame I was just a person!

I'M JUST A PERSON YOU MOTHER FUCKERS!

Um, but then, my son woke up screaming at 3:35 this morning and I had visions of him covered in puke from having the same bug as his sister. I could actually see him upset and trying to clean himself, in a full blown panic.

Turns out, that wasn't the case, he had his blanket wrapped around his head and was all tangled up.

So this isn't the best post in the world, it's just a tribute because now? I can't remember that shit.

But when I think about the bits and pieces I do remember? It was stupid as hell.

12 comments:

J said...

I want to see flames shoot out of your fingertips!

Sometimes I have dreams that are crazy as fuck, and I think I should blog about them. But then I realize that it's a load of shit and no one cares.

Betsey Booms said...

I care J, I care.

DAMMIT... I CARE AND THAT'S NEVER ENOUGH FOR YOU!

Lisa..... said...

Everyone kids are puking. I'm wondering if it's the peanut butter.

But that totally happens to me. And I swear my fav posts I get no comments on.

Captain Steve said...

Whatever, you're just trying to make us all feel better because we didn't have the awesomest blog post ever rolling around in our heads.

Kellie said...

I think of great posts and then when I actually sit to write them? I can't remember jack and then people end up reading about my cholesterol or some shit.

I rock like that.

Betsey Booms said...

Captain Steve, you got me.

I'm totally about the reader pity. You're welcome.

KaritaG said...

I would totally watch your reality show.

Bird Shit and Baby Caca said...

I would total come to your blog concert and rock out...or is it blog out LOL

Rassles said...

Dude, if your blog can get angels to sing like Black Sabbath, and I'm sure it can, you totally deserve all the stage lights and Leer Jets and fortune and fame.

J said...

Your caring is ALWAYS enough for me! Dammit now Im going to blog about my jacked up dreams just FOR YOU!

And PS. I saw Black Sabbath in concert, and I'm guessing you would totally kick their asses!

Miss Yvonne said...

Dude, I've written the best post in the world like, four times. And every time I write it, it's stupid and just like a Tenacious D song. You know, only a select few people would get it and the rest would think it's ridiculous and obviously written by a crack head. So the best post in the world will never be published.

It's better for everyone that way.

Dirty Pirate Hooker said...

I want to see flames shoot out of your ass.

But that may be the stench of the ass cave I've lived in for the past 2 days.