Friday, January 30, 2009

Do you know what it is I'd like to say?

Because I'm not entirely sure that I do. I mean, I'd like to say that yesterday was the most offensive day that I've ever had.

Um, but that would be a complete lie. I mean there was the day that I told my best friend that it was time to tweeze because she looked like she had two dead cats glued to her forehead. Or the time I told her that if she ever went bald that she could just grow out those brows and brush them up over the top of her head and look like the Italian guy that's in all the movies like Goodfellas. (Who is Frank Sivero but there is not one good picture of him to be found).

See? Totally offensive right?

I mean I wasn't taking on the whole Jesus loving, anti-hip hop world, but it is really so few days that I do that anyway. Usually I just do that on Sunday. It's just me on the opposite side of the Fred Phelps camp, I'm annoying people in an awesome way and he's getting spit on. Usually by Jason.

Yesterday may have just been the most offensive day in my blogging history but given the mood I've been in for the past couple of months, I can give you a money back-guarantee right now that it won't be my last. Except that you don't pay for this shit, but you should start.

I'm on a mission to prove that words are just words and it's the heart behind them that is important. And trust me, peeps, there's a good heart here behind this saline.

My 'might just be an Atheist/Science is King' husband warned me I would be deemed offensive yesterday. And while I'm not an Atheist I just think that Jesus is truly my b-boy and he'd want me to think he was awesome. Because he was and is and we know he didn't drink Folgers too ;)

But it was this warning that my husband had in mind when I came upstairs laughing this morning and said "Can you freaking believe, I had a rude ass comment on my blog this morning?" I knew I was seconds away from a big fat told you so and possibly a replay of the UFC smackdown in the Booms' house. So I blurted out. "Uh yeah and can you believe it was on the posting about Crazyman getting slapped in the face? Have I done nothing right?"

So I've decided that I can't even get trolls to respond appropriately. I have utterly failed at being a good blogger.

So for that I apologize, but I will not apologize for zombies with 1/2 arms and shivs or for even saying that my son's baby-sitter has a meticulous house and bakes cookies, because how the fuck did I even DARE to tread on that ground, I ask you?

I was also unfollowed on Twitter yesterday too. By a person who JUST started following me that very day. If I knew how to get a hold of her I'd say "well obviously, you didn't even KNOW me!"

Because she didn't, so meh.

And would you look at this picture? I totally missed what I was trying to achieve:

Now that? Is totally offensive. I look like a blow-up doll that just figured out what her complete and total purpose in life is.

And for those of you that can view the Dirty Pirate Hooker's blog, you should scoot right on over there because there is a totally AWESOME cartoon by yours truly posted.

PS! I just got my new mini-laptop. My kick-ass husband left work early and came home with it to surprise me!


Solanaceae said...

I am a fairly constant reader but have never commented. I thought the whole Jesus is my b-boy was funny but then again I grew up Evangelical so my sense of humor is warped. Just remember...offense is in the eye of the beholder. As to Crazyman... accidents happen, they suck but they happen just the same. If you believe it was an accident then who is some stranger to judge the situation differently?

Dirty Pirate Hooker said...

Dude, the cartoon KICKS LL Cool Jesus' ASS!

You betta recognize, motha fucka!

Miss Yvonne said...

I didn't find anything offensive about it. But then, I'm a pretty offensive person. I'm trying to work up to a higher level of offensive on my blog. I think I need some guidance from you on this because I haven't gotten one single troll.

Allie said...

I didn't find it offensive and we all know you and I have a history offending each other. I thought it was funny as hell.

Rassles said...

I was pissed, and I'm never reading your blog again, because you are such an offensive hoe-bag.