Thursday, April 17, 2008


She was born in August, 1977. The day Elvis Presley died.

Sure, it's a mimicry of the first line of a song I played the hell out of as an angsty teenager. But it's the truth. I was. And that would pretty much set the tone for the rest of my life.

You know, always showing up right as greatness is leaving. Or perhaps showing up right as perceived former greatness is lying drunken, bloated on the floor.

That's probably more like it. And knowing me, I'll try to save that mess and teach him that life is okay.

Looking back on my childhood I realize that I had a fanciful, weird-ass imagination that was in constant go-mode. Example, I remember seeing these large silver, presumably electrical boxes of some kind with doors on the front of them throughout the neighborhoods my mother and I always seemed to be driving through. I was pretty sure that they were refrigerators for the homeless.

Because you know, the huge homeless population of 80's suburbia was obviously sane, organized and respectful enough to share a public, street side fridge. Can you see the Reagan era news stories of street urchins stabbing each other over the last slice of bread?


I was much like that kid from the cartoons that would be sitting in class listening to the teacher drone on and on one moment and the next he was a fighter pilot, coursing through the air. Being an awesome hero. I was always outside the window of the classroom more than I was ever really there.

Today, I'm really much the same way. Only now I sit and stare outside the window and I really do see the homeless. And they aren't sharing food stuffs. No, they are begging me for dollars and stealing the copper coils out of our air conditioning units so it's hotter than hell in here right now.

Which really lowers their chance of getting a buck out of sweaty, crabby me.

I have no idea where I was going with this. And really does it matter? I just revealed to you all that I actually thought there were public, homeless fridges when I was a kid.

Hey, maybe I just solved all the world's problems.

Just remember, you can always say you knew me when.