Monday, April 27, 2009

You Are Perfect And Spotless

It's the type of morning where you rush from the car, through the rain, into the drug store. Where once inside that store you plunk down a Diet Coke, a bag of M&M's and the biggest box of tampons you can find.

You dash back out into the rain and lunge head first into your car.

Crack the bottle, shove in the candy and rush to sit on the non-moving, damp, shiny road, desperately praying for a song, any song, no, THE song to make you feel better.

It never comes. Instead? You just keep pushing the buttons over and over again. Like a nervous tic, while dodging other cars, on slick roads. Breathlessly cursing the 200 stations you pay for and the selection of CD's you have stacked in the changer.

Pulling into the furthest spot from the front door, the wind yanks your car door open, jerking your arm from your shoulder. Reaching into the backseat, you wrangle the giant golf umbrella into the front seat. Shoving it out the door, struggling with your bag and all your Monday morning needs, you pop open the umbrella where it inverts INSTANTLY.

And I say you because you've had this morning too. Right?

If you haven't? Then fuck off. You are perfect and spotless. I am damp, soggy, wrinkled and soft. And slightly angry.

But mostly? Sad.


Anonymous said...

I would really like some M&Ms now. As for umbrellas, mine is in a dumpster behind a restaurant now. It pushed me too far last week and I showed it who's boss. Of course, I got soaked in the process, but hey, at least I'm not in dumpster.

Dirty Pirate Hooker said...

Awwww, why are you sad?

Betsey Booms said...

Mostly because it's a sad and gloomy day where my umbrella hates me.

But now that I got that out, I'm feeling better.

Gypsy said...

I think, based on this entry and Rassle's the other day, umbrellas have a secret agenda whereby they want to ruin life as we know it.

I'm not crazy, though.

And, yes, I've had that morning. Also, my hair looks craptastic today.

SciFi Dad said...

So you're not disappointed in how your team selected in the NFL draft then? Because that's what I thought you were sad about.

Gwen said...

Umbrellas can eat shit and die as far as I'm concerned.

I've totally had that day. I am not so not perfect and spotless. I also love M&Ms but I'm so disgusting that I even drink regular Coke. So it could be worse, right?

I'm sorry that you're sad. I hope the rain stops falling on you soon.

Tiffany said...

I hate those days.

formerly fun said...

I was having an pms ugly day the other day and instead of waiting it out or buying a apir of shoes or something, I went and got a laser facial and botox. I'm officially an insecure Orange County sort of housewife, blech. On the other hand, my sun damage is gone and my forehead kinda smoove.

Anonymous said...

Ack! I didn't have THAT morning, but I had A morning, so, you know, solidarity and all that.

IB said...

Can't say as I've had exactly that day...but once I had violent diahreah
while waiting to board a plane at O'Hare. I was with my boss. She was surprised and a bit frightened. it was 6 months before we could make eye contact again. There was no umbrella involved but still...

Does that count?

for a different kind of girl said...

More than you realize. Right down to the Tampax.