Thursday, April 16, 2009

Hurry Up And Calm Down

For right now, the buzzing has stopped.

The part of me, inside, that seemingly vibrates and buzzes until I can't stand it anymore. I don't know if it's in my brain or in my body and I don't really know it's there until it's gone.

The sadness is quiet again.

The ache that makes me burst into tears. The longing that makes me explain away my watery eyes, all day long.

The veil of calm has been pulled back down. My stomach doesn't tell me to eat all day long. To eat and eat, because something, anything has to fill that hole. The void, the dark, buzzy nothing that is just always behind it all.

It's like a heavy, weighted blanket has been thrown over me. Snuggle down into it, allow it to comfort you.

And, I will.

I am.

I am comfortable again... for now. Snuggling in it before it gets ripped off me again. Yanked back from my sleepy, dopey head, ruffling my already ruffled hair.

I'm tossing and turning in it. Trying to get every inch of the cool before it becomes warm and itchy again.

Because it will.

Itch.

11 comments:

IB said...

Man, am I glad I found your blog (found through "Ask...").

Your words break my heart a little and inspire me to dig deeper when writing my own.

Peace
IB

Betsey Booms said...

IB - Thanks for saying the most awesome things every time you come by.

Rassles said...

That "itch" is perfect. I itch about different things, but yes. Perfect.

ajillofalltrades said...

An internet hug is all I can give right now.

Miss Yvonne said...

Your serious posts are always amazing to read. Glad you are feeling better.

P.S. I'm with you on the eating thing. I stuff myself at the first sign of sadness or stress.

Betsey Booms said...

Miss Yvonne - I have a feeling I better find my funny again... And fast!

maggie, dammit said...

Rest, babe. Let it work its magic for just a little while. Just a little reprieve.

Vodka Mom said...

wow. that was awesome.

I love the Kenny Chesney song about sadness being like a heavy coat......it is so true...

hope yours lifts completely.

Gwen said...

I'm so sorry you are hurting. I mean, I know you always hurt. But I'm sorry that you're hurting more than usual lately. I'm thinking of you and sending you peace (if that's even possible).

Bridget said...

I'm glad you're feeling at least a little bit better. I can't even begin to imagine that feeling. Or rather, I can, but I keep pushing it out of my mind because I don't ever want to. And these stories (and yours) have been breaking my heart all week. That's all I really wanted to say. I hope your heart hurts a little bit less.

Bluestreak said...

BB - this post is awesome. Weird how digging down into the worst parts you can find the best ink.