Tuesday, March 10, 2009

UPDATED: Without Butter And Chocolate, What Is The Point Of Living? And Why Does My Office Smell Like That Jerkface, Bacon?

I pretty much understand now that my entire existence is made up of those two ingredients.

Butter
Chocolate

There is a whopping side of kick ass and awesome thrown in there too, but kick ass and awesome's two main ingredients are also fricking butter and chocolate. Oh and maybe beer and bacon. Because you know there is nothing NOT awesome about beer and bacon. That is pretty much a breakfast you could live on. Not for very long or with any sort of quality of health, don't be picky. And right at this very moment, my office smells like bacon and I'm licking the walls. Not the windows (you know who you are), just the bacon scented walls.

Sigh.

If I had a topic, I should try to get back on it but this is what I'm telling you. There is no topic. Just food swirling around, oh so deliciously in my brain. That? And someone thinks I'm hot, which blows my mind. So much so, she made me Miss March. True story. Which you know, in turn makes me think she's awesome if not just a little under medicated. I'm really glad that I did her that favor and sent her a really good picture of me. I'm just a constant giver.

Also? There is another blog that you should really check out. So let's just keep this pimp train rolling. Wouldn't you picture the pimp train to be a lot like the soul train. Dancing and singing it's name in a high pitched voice, half dressed people dancing on either side of it while it got it's groove on? But would it be in the boy's dance line or girl's? Hard to tell. Oh so click on this:

Yo Mama's Blog

Miss Yvonne at Yo Mama's is funny. Like really freaking funny, she's rented part of her house out to some freaks, has a teenager and still finds time to watch Star Trek based porn. She has some weird obsession with Pee Wee's Playhouse, which oddly, I find more endearing than make me run-away freakish.

Let the stalking commence. Just do me a favor and stalk her gently. Or slowly. Stalk her gently and stalk her slowly.

I know, I KNOW. Just shut the hell up already. I need a cheeseburger.

And if you do me a favor and keister stash a cheeseburger and a shiv for me, I just ask that you wrap them up really, really well. I'm hungry. I'm not THAT hungry.

Well....

Okay - No, no I'm not!



PS - Jason just spent like 20 minutes sending me emails that made sure I knew he does not, in anyway, think that I am a funny person.

I'm pretty sure he's right.

15 comments:

Rassles said...

You are making me hungry, and I literally just ate breakfast.

What about, like, butter-fried bacon dipped in chocolate?

(The following two words indicate a single action sequence consisting of three separate actions, and are therefore self-contradictory in literally every way):

TRIPLE.

BYPASS.

Rassles said...

Oh, and lots of beer.

Betsey Booms said...

Ross? I love you but you are a mah'fucking asshole.

This:

What about, like, butter-fried bacon dipped in chocolate?

Is called Heaven. Which I expect to go to after said bypass is successful the first two times but not the third.

Dirty Pirate Hooker said...

I think you're funny!

Miss Yvonne said...

Wow, you are one baconly awesome girl for pimping my blog! I feel all warm and fuzzy inside and kind of itchy on the outside, but that's because of my allergies and not you. Probably.

I am soooo buying you a huge-ass half-arm zombie cocktail with a shiv stir stick when you come to town.

Hug it out, bitch!

Lisa..... said...

I just read the title and had to stop. I can't read anout food while I am fasting or my husband is going to come home and find me covered in chocolate with wrappers all around. I. must. resist.

Brandy Rose said...

I came over from Yo Mama's blog cuz Miss Yvonne is awesome and kinda sorta pimped you out as well. Now, direct me to the half-armed zombie.

Gypsy said...

Yesterday I had bacon and chocolate for breakfast. PMS what?

rachie! said...

I've got a bacon cheeseburger for you. You know where to find it.

Chris said...

There is a whole lotta love going on around here, wrapped in bacon and dipped in chocolate, which I'm pretty sure is a nutritionally sound way of getting your RDA of bacon.

Duck said...

A friend of mine recently made a butter sandwich.

Not the normal kind.

Like, real sandwich kind. Buttered toast. Spread with butter. Buttered. With a butter topping. Buttered.

for a different kind of girl said...

Here's what I do to make sure I get a healthy dose of both of these two key ingredients - ready?

Chocolate butter cream frosting.

You'll thank me. Or you'll share. Either way, win-win!

Kurt said...

I came over from Miss Yvonne's blog and this was pretty much like getting a Christmas present in the middle of March.

mongoliangirl said...

Hotness. Bacon. Chocolate. Butter. And you are fucking hilarious.

Jenny, the Bloggess said...

The Pimp Train costs more to ride than the Soul Train. Also, more goldfish shoes on the Pimp Train. Better music on the Soul Train. I pick the Soul Train. There was a choice there, right?