Thursday, March 5, 2009

Robots And Why They Are Awesome

Awesome Disclaimer: I am going to abuse the word awesome today like Sean Penn abuses the cool asshole stereotype. I will use the word awesome so many times you will never want to read the word awesome or excitable variations like kickass or even just good again, you will however, want a freaking badass robot and you will never question just why a robot MIGHT be cool. Swear it.

Oh and I might be exaggerating.

Today is going to be a breathtaking 78 degrees. I love March in the Midwest. With the words of, gasp, sunshine and warm air still clinging to my local meteorologists lips, I sprung into action.

Crazyman was going to rock his mega kickass robot shirt and plaid shorts today. When I pointed out what was on his shirt, he screamed "Bot!" with glee and off he toddled to show his dad, who was in the shower, his awesome Bot-wear.

Poking his head out of the shower, Jason looks at me frankly and then uttered six words I NEVER thought I would hear, "What is so cool about robots?"

I actually gagged. He did not just say that. No way in hell. Oh but he did. I was all, "seriously, did you not grow up in the 80's?" And this conversation should have ended with, "Mork and Mindy totally did a robot episode and that = awesome. End of discussion."

And really it would have because he would just look a me like, "how did I not notice you getting drunk this early in the day?" But I was deeply disturbed by this sudden awareness of how NOT AWESOME my husband thought robots were.

I started to explain how when we were kids we completely thought robots would be ruling the world right now. We would just be able to be all, "Robot Jeeves, do my laundry. Rosie, make my breakfast. R2D2 make me a drink!" Robots would alert us to "Danger, Danger!" Our cars would be robots and we could just sit and listen to the entire 'Violator' CD on our way to work while sipping some drink from the future we don't even know about yet and it would all be good. And when things happened, like that Mustang that didn't see that traffic was entirely stopped and put the skid on his brakes so scary hard that the car in front of him had to move to the shoulder to avoid getting his ass end handed to him, that would not be my problem. It would be Rhonda the Honda's problem.

It's all so obvious right?

Jason just looked at me, shut the shower door and said, "I'm a robot." And that's when I said, "You totally would be a robot, they are devoid of all emotion. Oh except anger. They feel anger and then turn on the humans and REALLY take over the world in awesome hateful ways. Hello Matrix, right? Terminator??? " And I may have been wrong on that, but ssssshhhhh. It doesn't matter.

In the end, unless a robot has a vagina he totally doesn't care. Or boobs. Robot boobs.


Gypsy said...

You know, in the future? With the robots and all? We could probably have Violator piped directly into our brains. I got a little moist typing that.

Rassles said...

Robots are so in, too. How can he not have an appreciation for like, Johnny Five? AYFKM?

I thought your husband was cool. Until RIGHT NOW.

Lara said...

But where are the illustrations?

Hello? Robot boobs? Who could draw that but you?

And on a totally side-note, I saw the most awesome cupcake candles last night and immediately thought of you. First I thought, OMG I have to buy those and then send them to Betsy; she'd totally love them. And then I thought WTF, why would I buy anyone but ME these awesome cupcake candles. I may be nice, but I'm not THAT nice. Those gems are all MINE.

Lisa..... said...

Seriously, was your husband not allowed to grow up with television?

Miss Yvonne said...

I asked my husband to buy me one of those robot vacuum cleaners and he was all "no it's a waste of money" but I bet if it had boobs he'd be all "hell yeah!" and then he would probably try to feel it up.

J said...

The humans are dead.

Go. Watch. Love.

calicobebop said...

Tell me you are refering to the Depeche Mode Violator CD! God I love Depeche Mode. And robots.

Dirty Pirate Hooker said...

Um, what about Vicky from Small Wonder?

That was the MOST kick ass robot ever!

Baby N's Mom said...

It must be a Booms trait. T says the same about me.

mongoliangirl said...

That was awesome! Really, really, awesome!
WTF with the hubz anyway? Please tell me he's not all like, "Ohhh Johnny Quest was soooo cool!"

Bridget said...

It is the distant future,
The year 2000.
we are robots.
The world is quite different ever since the robotic uprising of the late 90's.
There is no more unhappiness.
We no longer say "Yes," instead, we say "Affirmative."
Yes, er...affirmative.
Unless we know the other robot really well.

There's only one kind of dance: The Robot.
And the Robo Boogie
Oh and the Ro...two kind of dances
But there are no more humans.
Finally, robotic beings rule the world!

The humans are dead.
The humans are dead.
We used poisonous gases,
And we poisoned their asses.

Jason said...

Just too many evil robots to think they are cool. But I love you babe!

pj said...

I always thought the jetsons were keeping it real. Where is my landspeeder? I mean shit I still have to pick out my own clothing.