Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Basically My Kid Is Tormenting Me By Messing Himself Up As Much As Possible

On top of having like infected lungs and weird mutant viruses that only bad little girls who don't belong to me would carry, my kid is tormenting me. I'm even typing this with one hand. Mostly, because my lap is the only seat in the house to watch Nemo from and he even tried to rip off my right tit while climbing up into my lap.

I didn't really need it anyway, because I think he has also infected me with his mutant germs which are going to cause my right lung to swell and it then can take the place of my boob that he just ripped off without a second thought.

So I'm coughing and administering breathing treatments to "the carrier" and he's doing things like making me read this asinine book about brown bears with blue balls and he's seriously wiping out like every two seconds. He completely crash landed in our hallway giving himself a goose egg and a bloody nose. So now he has snotty blood all over his face which makes me feel just horrible for him. And then he does things like hits me in the face with the moose book again so that I will read it to him for the 80th time. Seriously.

Basically, what I'm saying here is that we are just going to sit around all bruised, bloodied and hacking until it's time to go to the doctor again.

Because the co-pay wants to tell me to suck it just one more time before this is all over.

10 comments:

rachie! said...

Wow, so looking forward to THAT.

Betsey Booms said...

I just went and laid him down for a nap and then hid all the books in the house.

Not that I don't want to encourage reading, but you know, safety first and it's all fun and games until I lose my eye.

Johnny B. Truant said...

If you could send me that boob when it finally goes, I'd be much obliged.

J said...

I don't blame you for hiding the books.

Maybe you should wear an eye patch, just in case.

Ryan Lawson said...

What book are you reading him? I thought they called bears' testicles "berries" in books, and that you had to figure out the euphemism later in life.

I'm so out of touch...

Dirty Pirate Hooker said...

It's all fun and games until someone loses an eyeball or a testicle. Or, in your case, a boob.

Brandy Rose said...

"Because the co-pay wants to tell me to suck it just one more time before this is all over." You said suck it...*dirty word giggles.

Bird Shit and Baby Caca said...

awe hope you guys feel better soon!

Kellie said...

I've shamelessly hidden a book or three before. I love that my girl wants to read, but one can only take so much of a moon or a rabbit making friends in the forest.

Here's to hoping you guys feel better AND you don't get a boob ripped off.

for a different kind of girl said...

Your son sounds like he has 'future cage fighter' written all over him. Or zombie hunter. Either is hella cool.