For some morbid and not at all cheerful reason I was thinking of what I would want them to put on my headstone when I die. Not that I'm going to have a headstone because a headstone won't fit in my husband's pants and since he is under strict instructions to cremate me and then carry me around in his pocket at all times so that when girl's hit on him he can be all, "Do you want to meet my dead wife?" and sprinkle a little bit of me in their drinks like I'm a rufie. I don't think it will actually make them sick or anything, but it will be really creepy and that is my goal. To make him appear as creepy as possible after I die so he doesn't attract a hot, rich girl to make his life happier than it was when he was with me.
As if "happier" exists.
But back to my headstone. So I don't want to be stuck with the ol' RIP, Loving Wife and Mother or in Loving Memory Of. That's no fun.
I'm thinking one of these is more me:
My Dead Wife, Spit Here
Worth More Dead Than Alive, Way More
Another One Bites The Dust
And Other Classic Queen Songs
Being A Zombie Wouldn't Suck Right Now
The Wolfman Had Nards, Don't Kick Them
And personally my favorite:
Dig Here For Free Implants!
Which brings me to wonder why you never see zombies with implants falling out of their bodies in movies. I mean come on, most of Hollywood has had work done. So why don't you see zombie silicone? Could you imagine? The walking dead with their rotting flesh and a perfect rack.
Edited: Does anyone else see how lucrative implant recycling could be after reading this? Or is that just me?
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Who Needs to R.I.P.?
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11 comments:
I really like the 'dig here for free implants' one. But I think if it were me, I would get 'this bitch didn't know when to shut up, do you'?
I think the answer to the implant free zombies is that all the zombies on TV are so old that the implants have decayed. Thus other than a few possible wet spots as the plastic dissolves and leaks the saline out, no hanging zombie girls.
As to epitaphs, I always wanted
mine to say "I got here first - I win"
I'm thinking of something along the lines of, "Mind your ankles."
I think I prefer "X marks the spot" for me, but I totally dig the "free implants" one.
I definitely want to be cremated too. I know it's stupid to think, but I don't want to wake up buried alive
Dig here for free implants. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Love it.
(PS? Be sure to have my name/number somewhere the husband can find it. I want to be at the funeral. Ya know...to pay my respects. And quite posibly bring your shoes to a new home. And, okay, fine. To dig for free implants.)
:)
Eww, implant recycling.
I'm glad I haven't had breakfast yet or I might have spewed a little.
I might go for mummification. But I'm not really into the bondage thing.
I think a perfect epitaph would be "Are you here again? Quit stalking me."
HAHAHA!
Okay, we want to be cremated, too. However, we want to buy plots just to have a bad ass headstone.
The hubby wants something like from The Royal Tenenbaums, "Died tragically while saving his family from a destroyed sinking Battleship.". I am still working mine out, but it may say something like, "He did it" with a huge arrow pointing toward his tombstone.
Not just you...
What a way to recycle: dig your hands in the beautiful brown soil and snag yourself a pair!
Maybe that should be the subheader!
Puts a twist on grave robbing.
Love the carrying the ashes thing. I'll never tell my wife what I read here today. She has plans for her ashes. She always said, "When I have kids, the oldest one gets my ashes and has to proudly display them in his/her home"
We have two kids now. 4 and 9. Told my son about how he'll be getting her ashes. He wasn't too thrilled that he'd be the keeper of the urn.
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