Friday, January 9, 2009

My Life Hung In The Balance

I stood there trembling. Should I do it? Would I do it? Could I resist the temptation that I had been working so hard to avoid all this time?

I had so many around me give in. I had seen the borderline mass hysteria of it all. Up until this point I had been patting myself on the back and acknowledging what a tough cookie I was. There was no bringing me down. I could not be forced to succumb to the temptation that had reached into the many chests and pulled out the still beating hearts of so many women weaker than me.

My husband stood and watched as I sweat and twitched. He watched me with a look of fear clinging to his face. He hugged our son just a little bit closer to his chest. As if in slow motion I turned and saw him watching me. I was so ashamed as I looked down at my quaking hands. What was I about to do? How would it change my life and would I become one of them?

Gently, he touched my hand and he said, "Babe, don't do it. Don't give in." I sighed heavily and felt the tension release from my body. He looked me dead in the eye and said, "Betsey, put the book down and back away slowly."

And that's what I did. I put that fucking Twilight back on the shelf and grabbed the closest Sookie Stackhouse novel and booked the hell out of Target. I ran for my life.

You won't get me, Edward Cullen!

Even if I'm weak, I've got a man who loves me and would defend my honor. Not to mention, he told me if saw me look at a fucking 'Team Edward' shirt he'd break all my page turning fingers.

16 comments:

J said...

You'll cave one day, BB. Oh yes, you will.

Rassles said...

I couldn't even finish it. "Waaahh, Edward, I'm a whiney little skank who's mean to everyone because I'm different and special and totally above everyone." Twilight blows. I couldn't even finish it. Nausea.

(and thank you for letting me rant)

steph anne said...

Noooo, you have to read it!! :)

Dirty Pirate Hooker said...

LMFAO, oh god this was funny as hell.

Lisa..... said...

HAHA. I read it because my daughter was reading it. I wanted to make sure it wasn't inappropriate. Oh the CHEESE. And Bella is a whiney girl. Don't beleive the hype.

hereinfranklin said...

Hah--I've resisted so far as well. Just thinking about vampires scares the shit out of me--I don't care if everyone says they're not scary. The movie previews were scary as far as I'm concerned.

rubyredruca said...

I've read the Sookie's and then read the Twilight series. And hated them, but felt I had to finish the series.

Sarah said...

So, so funny! I have resisted the temptation so far, too.

Kellie said...

I have the first three books. Have had them since they came out. Have I read them? Nope. I will admit I have not. Will I read them? I can't say for sure that I will.

We can be different together!!

Lily's Mommy said...

How funny! I almost broke down too but then the movie came out and I did not want to be associate with "those" people. So I picked up my old Bartimaeus books. Young adult, my ass, they're fucking funny.

And what's wrong with Edward Cullen? He's one eyebrow wax away from perfection.

sterlingirl said...

I tried to read Twilight. I stopped 300 pages into it. I don't really have the urge to pick it back up.

Miss Merry Sunshine said...

K...so I want to read the Sookie series!! I LOVED True Blood! I read the shit out of Twilight couldn't help myself. My inner teenager giggled with glee...

That Chick Over There said...

For so many reasons, I love you.

Sheri said...

Good for you! I have not read the either, but I did watch True Blood and loved it. I want to read the series. I will NEVER fall into the Twilight crap, though. I'm sorry, but when you get hooked on the Vampire Chronicles at 10yo, you just can't read that whiney crap.

I am Trish Marie said...

I read it. The first book was good. The second started to annoy the shit out of me, but by then I had dedicated so much time to the series. I couldn't give up. I had to finish it.

As for True Blood...Sheri, that shit is just as corny. Kenny and I only made it through three episodes.

thordora said...

Love me some Sookie, but wish there was a life size Bill doll enclosed. :) Cheese ball city, but I feel better reading stuff written for adults instead of 13 year olds. :)