Tuesday, December 16, 2008

You Can Thank Me Later For My Awesomeness And Kind Greetings

Let me tell you about some things that suck a nut sack today (and yes, I kiss my mother with this mouth). First of all, my child decided to haunt my bed last night starting at 12:30. Randomly throughout the night he would just squawk and squeal and I'd have to remind him that I could easily put him back into his on bed and suddenly, like a Christmas miracle he was oh so quiet. Well, until he threw a giant baby fit and fell out of the bed. It was that point that I realized that I should have felt badly for him but I only managed to feel badly for myself. I'm just that fantastic. Okay, I did feel bad for him too. He's really cute.

After sleeping for 30 minute increments throughout the night I finally fell into a deep sleep, and I'm guessing here, at about 4:45 - 5:00 this morning. At 5:30 the phone rang (and rang and rang) until I hopped out of bed to get it. When I got to the kitchen and put my hand on the receiver, guess what? That's right, the bitch stopped ringing. So I grabbed my cell phone and went back to bed. I fell back asleep. 10 minutes later the house phone rang again. Mother bitch! So I flew out of bed and grabbed the phone, saying, "WHAT?!" It was Monkey's school, nicely letting us know that school was not in service today. And that, my honey children, is when I looked outside to see the snow falling.

Snow that was supposed to be a dusting this afternoon falling in mass at 5:30 in the morning. This is where I stopped and pondered how big of a shit I actually gave. Do I dutifully get going now or do I go back to bed and roll out later at a more human time?

And then that is when I realized it. Evidently, I just don't give a shit.

An hour and a half later when it took me 20 minutes to go 1.5 miles, I gave a big shit then. Two hours later when I got to work only to be told to book some flights for Las Vegas for OTHER people, told that one of our tenants had no heat, told that the front door keeps blowing open every 1.5 seconds, I was back to not giving a shit.

And now, me and my potty mouth are sitting here, half frozen, having forgotten to take my meds, telling you all of this. So you've been schooled on just what it is that sucks a nutsack today.

You're welcome.

So tell me? Anything suck for you today? Let it out!

10 comments:

gnomespeak said...

Nope! Today is the last day of my 4 day weekend, and if I can get the dog to stop eating catshit, I'm going to call it good. Hell, I'm not even going to wear a bra.

KaritaG said...

I'm going with the still-negative temperatures and the fact that my new bus route requires me to ride the mall ride to get to work...you know, the free shuttle that takes everyone up and down the 16th street mall? The majority of the passengers are usually tourists and homeless people. Not trying to be a bitch, just sayin...

Dirty Pirate Hooker said...

Um, my daughter was posessed by Satan this morning. Does that count?

Demonica said...

Nothing better than a little nutsack sucking.

Sarah said...

I have a five week old daughter who decided to sleep like a dream last night and only woke twice. But me? Major insomnia. I only got about an hour's sleep. zzzzzz.

Maggie, Dammit said...

I love when you call us 'honey children.'

How about this: It's minus four degrees in Wisconsin today? With 4-7 inches of snow predicted tonight? Dammit?

rubyredruca said...

That does suck.

Lily's Mommy said...

I had a weird driver stalk me on the way home last night. As a result, I had trouble falling asleep, then two nightmares. Why would mutant worms and aliens fight? Why would I try to stop it?

Now I'm trying to come up with a good excuse not to go to class tonight. Also, cookies have been making me throw up. WTF is the point of being pregnant if you can't eat cookies???

And where's my damn snow? dammit!

Catherinette Singleton said...

It's times like these that make me happy I don't have children. :)

Here's my vent for the day: it's currently sleeting and I have to drag my lazy ass of the couch to go the grocery store. Otherwise, my ginomous beast of a dog will have no food tomorrow. That will mean that I'll have to feed him flipping cheerios or cous cous for breakfast. Two things that don't agree with him

Gwen said...

Ahh! You did have the same night as I did! Major suckage!