The One Where I Finish Turning Off My Readers

I'm sure you've noticed recently that I went out on a limb and I used the word retarded to describe myself. Being the uber-sensitive, easily hurt person that I am, I thought about this before I did it. I thought a lot.

I stopped using the word retard for a very long time because too many people associated the word, for obvious reasons, with the mentally challenged.

I get that. I get that it is used in a hurtful manner and I would never use that word to describe anyone other than me, or my husband at times. And only because he has issues. He lives with me and loves me.

When I use the word I'm not even using it to say that I'm mentally challenged. I'm using it to say that my thought processes at that very moment were retarded in their development.

So when an email popped up in my inbox just moments ago that addressed my very usage of the word, my heart strings just about popped straight out of my chest. I expected it to happen. I had attempted to take back a word that has been so dirty and hurtful and use it in a light hearted way because, well, because I challenge society and stigmas like that.

The email I received was very thoughtful, kind and from the mother of a boy with Down's Syndrome. My response was this:

Hi "super mama of a very lucky little boy",

Thank you for the extremely thoughtful response to something that could be viewed as horrible.

I realize that. If only you knew how much thought I put into the use of the word retard and let me tell you why.

I would never use this word to describe anyone other than myself. When I was pregnant with my daughter I went through tests and sheer torment because they thought she was going to be born with Down's Syndrome. I wasn't tormented because I thought she might have it, I was tormented that I didn't know. And I wouldn't have the test to find out.

And then many years later I gave birth to my son who had so many problems, we can't know if he was mentally challenged or not. Chances are that he was deaf and we know he didn't have a left lung among many other things.

I put absolutely no stock in the word retard, none at all. Which is why after questioning my use of it, I thought to go ahead and say it anyway. My inclination was that it would take away a stigma.

Children with Down's Syndrome are NOT retarded. They are beautiful and wonderful. Mental retardation is just that. A mental retardation. I use the word retarded as an adjective as in my thought processes are obviously retarded at times. And again, I have to explain that the process is retarded in it's development. I don't think things through.

Again, thank you for your kind and thoughtful note. Retarded does not mean the same to me as it does to you and that is again, why I relented in my hold on using it on my blog.

Please accept my apologies on hurting you. I know your little man is wonderful and what an awesome mommy he has.

Betsey

With that being said, if I was viewed as being thoughtless or hurtful, well that is the chance I took.

And a chance I won't take again. My apologies.