Thursday, September 25, 2008

Suckdom of Legendary Proportions

Look, there are things that I know I need to be doing. When there is pressure, I tend to procrastinate even worse than usual. This leads to things like my sock zombie riding around in my purse with me since Tuesday. Right next to the camera that is supposed to be taking pictures of the little cutie that my lazy ass hasn't even named yet.

A fucking zombie without a name. How I've shamed the undead. And how the people checking me out wonder just what kind of a weirdo walks around with a stuffed zombie in their bag while trying to dig my wallet out to pay for that 20-pack of Michelob Ultra.

And just yesterday, I was given this awesome 'yeti in a monster truck' t-shirt from someone that I recently interviewed here at work. This shirt rocks hard core and did I get a picture of Crazyman and his Yeti Redneck? Um, no.

When the pressure is on, I shut down. My photography drive dies along with my motivation.

Go on, tell me how much I suck. I can take it. I'm a big Betsey.

Well blogging sometimes feels like a pressure too in a weird way. At 4:00 this morning I was struggling to reclaim unconsciousness and my mind wandered to all the posts I SHOULD be putting out there but obviously I'm not. Instead I put some real time into some contrived post about how I idolized Barbie as a kid.

Because really? You can't fucking tell, can you?

So instead of being a complete tool, I thought I would throw out there what a lazy asshole I am. And really, when you are a lazy asshole recognizing that fact and owning up to it is extremely important and possibly your only redeeming quality.

If I come back in here tomorrow with no pics of my nameless, sock constructed, brain-hungry monster then it's official that I will go down in Suckdom History. And just so you know, joining me in suckdom history will be George W. Bush, the person that invented panty hose and the bitch that flipped me off on the highway the other day. Look assface, I don't care if I did almost run you into the divider wall and then flipped you off when you honked at me. You have some nerve and the song on my radio sucked. How the holy hell was I supposed to go on driving while listening to that shit? I don't care how much they play that fucking Handlebars song by The Flobots. It still blows. So put that song into suckdom history too.

Also being neglected in my world? The load of underwear in the dryer that my husband threw in the other day, that I was supposed to remember and therefore take out and fold and then put away. His towel embraced, naked ass kindly reminded me just why he was walking around the house, one untuck away from the Full Monty as I was wrangling our kid out the door this morning.

So I'm off to ponder just how bad I suck at life and take some pictures already. But I promise you...

They won't be good.

7 comments:

KaritaG said...

I still haven't posted an actual pic of my tattoo, mainly because every time J takes one there is a weird reflection on my skin and I don't like the way it looks. Or pics from Foo Fighters. Or pics from girls' night out.

And I'm not blogging today. So you can rest assured there is another former barbie idolizer out here that sucks worse than you.

Allie Bear said...

I can't wait to see which sock zombie you got, J didn't tell me so the suspense is killing me.

J said...

It's okay to have an off day, girl. Don't blame yourself.

You know what would make you happy? Go buy the new NKOTB cd!

Pare said...

Aw, Betsey - GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK. It's okay, you can do it. The world won't fall apart.

I am Trish Marie said...

At least someone is procrastinating with me. And, thanks to you, I remembered I have the kids clothes in the washer that MUST go in the dryer today. So see, you accomplished something!

Maybe you should have a naming contest for the zombie. He can't be nameless afterall.

Dirty Pirate Hooker said...

Ok first I feel compelled to say to J, no one likes NKOTB but you and fuck you for making that the ringtone when I call.

Now on to my sweet Tits McGee, you suck. End of story.

We must name the sock zombie. Come up with some ideas, and ask us. I've already got one in me piratey head...

Bluestreak said...

ah, yes, I can certainly identify with proclaiming the fact that I am asshole is one of the only things I´ve gained a knack for.