Friday, August 1, 2008

I Scrubbed Toilets For Mine

Moment of honesty time. The first kid didn't hurt my body. Yeah, things were a little different afterwards. My C's became B's but I was thinner than before I had her by the time she was 6 months old.

The second one didn't do me too wrong. I have pictures of myself, tanned and looking as close to hot as I could muster in a bikini on a beach in Mexico just a short year later. It helps that I knock back a few shots of tequila before looking at the pictures, just for the record.

It's the third one girls. The third kidlet made my already curvy body curve in all the wrong directions. Soft, saggy and not a pleasure to view in daylight. Well, let's just go with any kind of light at all. My husband gets tired of the cave like atmosphere I keep in our bedroom at all times.

This past Saturday we went to a pool party. I spent the week prior in a mild panic thinking of putting myself in swimming attire in front of people I know and care about. They don't deserve that. They really don't.

The day of the party the mild panic became a full blown anxiety attack. I walked into the party calmer but I was tense the entire time. It was not fun. I left early, put Crazyman in bed and curled up in the big chair in my living room with my blanket blissfully comfortable, watching TV.

And eating ice cream. Can you say "own worst enemy"? I know you can.

If I never had to leave the house again, I'd be fine. I know what some of you are thinking. You've seen pictures of me I don't seem too hideous at all. In fact, I border on hotness. Of course I only show the very best shots of me and none of them are naked.

Not one. Because that? Would make this a totally different internet experience, no? And I like you.

When I was younger I thought about plastic surgery but would NEVER have done it. One, because I was in a constant state of broke and two? I was still 20 and not too bad on the eyes. My body symmetry wasn't awesome, but it wasn't as horrible as it is now.

In the past I've looked at people who have gotten plastic surgery for no obvious reason and thought how vain they must be.

Hello kettle, this is Betsey Pot, you're black.

Let me tell you a little something. You don't become as neurotic about your looks as I am if you aren't at least slightly vain. We all possess some level of vanity. If not? We'd all be disgusting, unkempt slobs. Do you remember the scene in the movie SEVEN with the model? The one where he cut off her nose to spite her face and she could call for help or take the sleeping pills and kill herself?

I would have taken the pills. That scene shook me to my very core because I would have taken the damned pills.

So here I am. Almost 31 and a complete disaster area. It was an entirely bad time to stop my meds because my anxiety level is through the roof.

Last week I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Which was an interesting experience I'll tell you about later, perhaps Monday. Last week I also vaguely posted about financing.

I've hesitated to say much of anything because I just hadn't decided . I'm very indecisive, I mean I can't even decide on what I want on my sandwich let alone life altering things but here goes - Today when I walk out of this office I'm calling the doctor's office and scheduling my surgery for breast implants next month. I can't live this way. I understand there are bigger problems and issues in this world. But this one is mine and I'm a complete spaz. Ask Jason. And for this reformed Anorexic/Bulimic I feel like I'm struggling way too much with my body image. I am entirely uncomfortable in my own skin. I know I won't be perfect but I will be happier.

My husband said that my boobs aren't that bad. Especially after looking at the before and after jug shots they provided us at the doctor's office. But he has to say that. He likes to get laid sometimes.

Something else I struggle with is spending money. It's why I stop taking my meds all the time (I know, I know, save the lecture). I CANNOT spend money on myself. I get sick when I do, I actually lose sleep. If my husband doesn't do it for me then I don't do things for myself. This is why I do things like make aprons and wedding hair. I can justify spending that money on things I want. It's mine.

I know, I'm a complete mess. You can say it. I'll just sadly nod my head and sigh when you do.

Justifying this surgery has been a nightmare. A big freaky circus clown nightmare. I've been up and down on it. Here's the thing - we may or may not have the money to pay for this. I'm not saying because that is not info for the internet - regardless of whether we do or we don't, I'm not taking my "family money" and spending it on mama's new tatas. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. Crazyman already thinks they belong to him anyway. His dad argues with him and then they wrestle it out. Jason is bigger so he wins.

So with financing there is of course, a monthly payment. So guess what I'm doing? I'm taking over the weekly cleaning for my office to bring in the extra cash. Just call me Maria, DPH.

My husband so sweetly declared: "Well honey, at least you can always say - I scrubbed toilets for my tits, bitches..."

So I'm taking you all along on my journey. I will be covering the whole thing, right here on Betsey Booms. After the surgery you can call me Betsey Booms Booms or something.

19 comments:

KaritaG said...

Good for you! I can't wait to hear all about it.

Briana said...

Well, even though I don't really "know" you, I think you are beautiful! But, I understand wanting to be happy with your own body, no matter what anyone else tells you. Good luck and I can't wait to read about it!

I am Trish Marie said...

I have to say, I am jealous. Is that wrong? You know the problem for me is that I used to have perfect boobs. Really. I liked them a lot. So now I always feel like something is missing. And I HATE it when people tell me, "But you look good." Really? You haven't seen my lifeless boobs. The ones that used to be nice.

Now keep us updated, so I can continue to be insanely jealous of your new girls!

J said...

I'm so glad you posted about this! I support you a million percent, and am also totally jealous of you. I know how it feels to hate things about yourself....I wish mine was just my boobs. LOL.

Yay for Shari and her new tits!

chichimommy said...

You are so RIGHT, the third one screws you up! My daughter is going to be 2 soon and I just can't get back to my old self; really depressing. I was up early the other morning and saw a infomercial for an exercise BootCamp in a box and I bought it! My husband thinks I'm crazy! He tells me how sexy I am, but I'm just not feelin it. I, too, have contiplated breast surgery and at some point I'm doing it! When, I'm not sure, but I'm doing it! So, your not alone and I'm curious to here about your experience. Thanks for sharing!

Lara said...

Well damn. I already thought you had awesome tits. And that's really not fair since you won't even flash me or anything. But in a tank top... they look pretty wow. And it really sucks because you probably won't flash them at me after either.

My only problem with cosmetic surgery is those who do it for others. If you're doing it for yourself, then I'm happy for you, and I hope it eases some of the body issues.

God knows I've had enough for both of us. Just so you know, if it helps at all... we ALL show only our good pics.

Dirty Pirate Hooker said...

Dear Maria,

I am so proud of you for scrubbing toilets for new boobies. That is EXACTLY what I will be doing come September when I can stop paying the boys and whores club for the punk's summer camp. I will be taking that money and putting it into the DPH boob fund.

I want pictures. Seriously. I'm a professional boob looker.

Sincerely,
Maria

Allie Bear said...

Good for you, I think it's important to do something for yourself and as far as your thoughts on vanity, I totally agree. No one can judge you because we all are vain to a degree and everyone wants to look hot for their husband and themselves. Good luck with the whole process and give us all the details.

Anne said...

Good for you! This is obviously something you've thought about and like the others said, you are doing this for you :)
Damn woman, you're going to look even hotter than you do now!

rubyredruca said...

I like the name Betsey Boom Booms! You should change it permanently!

Lily's Mommy said...

I'm shocked. I didn't think your rack could be improved upon!

Good luck and I vote for before and after photos. :)

Maggie, Dammit said...

You're brave, Betsey BoomBoom's. I wish you thought more of yourself, because you are one beautiful creature, but you're brave.

Should be an interesting journey, holy shit.

Rebecka said...

Good for you. I think it will help you feel better about who you are and what you look like. I think everyone is beautiful on the inside.

Good luck. I can't wait to hear about your journey.

You have wayy more guts [and i'm not saying that to call you fat.. you're definitely not fat.] than I do. i could never do plastic surgery. I hate pain.

Sarah said...

At first I thought "Go for it!" Honestly, if you can do something that will make you feel better and has minimal impact on others, then no one can judge you for that. But then I saw the comment about being a reformed anorexia/bulimic and I got worried. I really hope this surgery makes you feel better, and doesn't create a new stick with which to beat yourself. ("Now that my boobs are fixed, all I can do is look at my big thighs" type-of-thing). Good luck!

Viva Scrapper! said...

Ok So I've always had MONSTER HUGE TA TA'S that were never perky....I'm totally getting them done after I have kids when I know they will go Way South. Also I've had several consultations on a nose job...I'm not gonna lie. I'm waiting because the last two doctors told me "It won't really hurt" which I know is bull so I'm waiting for an honest doc.

Immoral Matriarch said...

Call you Maria? Sure! I'll gladly share my name with you.

I want a boob job desperately - reduction and lift. It'll never happen though. :( Good luck!

Kat said...

Woooohoooo, HOOTERS! A good friend just got new ones - after 2 kids they were... just weird. They are cute. She is happy. I am jealous. I intend to do mine when I'm all done having babies. My husband says I don't have to do it for him. It has nothing really to do with him though! Mine are now lopsided and floppy. Thank god for perky bras.

And you are working hard for those bitches! You deserve the tits of your dreams.

Lisa..... said...

I so want a tummy tuck for the stretch marks/saggy ab skin I will never be rid of. I'm tires of having to remember to tuck my skin in. Good Luck.

A Jill of All Trades said...

I am excited about this, and envious as well. I need new boobs, because mine deflate my ego. I am so out of proportion and I look like a kid on top.

Some day I hope to be able to buy myself some breasticles because I will feel whole. I want to feel like a woman and look like one, too.