Thursday, July 24, 2008

There Are Some Things...

That I just have to say because I work with the biggest bunch of f'ing babies in the entire world.

You see the thing is, I more or less have the role of 'den mother' for the pack. Which suits me, it really does except for the few that spoil the bunch. They are working on being in the bottom of a big, deep hole.

Except I'd have to dig it myself and mama's spent.

It amazes me that the owner of the company can be up on a ladder, in the kitchen, wiping down the cabinets and one of them has the nerve to say "Excuse me, I need to get a drink".

I wonder why THEY aren't on top of the ladder.

When we are sitting in an uncompleted office, full of boxes and cute little emails go out from our intern askng if anyone needs any help - it takes every ounce of self-control to not send back a nasty email.

Come the fuck on! Take some initiative and FIND something to do. There's plenty, just look.

I don't care if you are "creative" and this isn't your "job". Get off your little, skinny ass, affix your blank stare onto an object and work that shit out.

It's not hard and it takes real creativity to think about helping others. REALLY.

When I send out email after email encouraging you to get your new front door key and weeks have gone by and you haven't done it yet. I don't want to hear it when you're locked out.

I don't.

When I tell you that I'm shopping for baby gifts for a co-worker TODAY and you tell me you will get me cash TOMORROW when I've been reminding everyone for a week?

What do I look like, your personal banking bitch? You aren't special. Even if your mom thinks you are.

If you ask where the toilet paper is and I tell you, don't stand here and look at me like I should wipe your ass with it. Not going to happen.

Part of me is flattered that you think I have all the answers. But the part where you look annoyed because I don't? Yeah, that might get your annoyed face ripped off.

And finally - When you drink the last Diet Coke simply because you are too lazy to open the Coke Zero? Yeah, you? I know you don't drink Diet Coke, I know you are a freaking lazy ass.

You? You are going to get a beat down. A major, full on beat down.

Oh and when you think you can bitch at me for something? Please don't. Go set up a little bitchy blog like the rest of us, go visit your therapist and come back when you have a smile on your face. Even if it's forced and fake as all hell like mine is.


KaritaG said...

OMG this made me laugh so hard, though I know you seriously are annoyed.

My former coworker and I called it "the next step," as in, our law clerks could never think beyond the "first step" to the "next step." Like the ladder thing. And, um, I'm thinking in the corporate sense here, but THAT is why they are not "on top of the ladder."

I had a total meltdown at work one day when I refused to refill the soap in the bathroom just out of spite because I did it ALL THE TIME and I just wanted to see how long 6 people would go without washing their hands after they used the bathroom...and guess what? It took THREE FUCKING DAYS. I flipped. Don't be like me.

Betsey Booms said...

Karitag - Too late, I do that shit all the time.

I sit and I watch and use my hand sanitizer.

I keep paper towels in my desk to dry my hands with and watch how long the paper towels go empty.

I'm this lose to taking my own toilet paper in the john with me too.

Freaking ass wipes.

Pam said...

someone took the last diet coke? Take them down!!!

J said...

People are freaking assholes. What the hell is wrong with some people? I think that soemtimes they must lay in bed late at night and just think of things they can say or do to piss us off.


Anonymous said...

Wow, your co-workers suck!!!!!

Jan-o-rama said...

It kinda makes you wonder what their houses look like, doesn't it?

Dirty Pirate Hooker said...

WOW, I would send out a mass email and tell them all to fuck off!!!

Briana said...

Uhh, I know exactly what you mean. I work with a bunch of fucktards too!

Anonymous said...

Hmmm....I wonder if my entire old office re-located to work with you? The morons you described are SO them. So, I feel your pain. I really do.

Immoral Matriarch said...

I've never been so happy to be unemployed. Ever.

Lisa..... said...

I hate when I work with people who feel the need to pawn off all their (nursing) work on me, but when I need help they can't be found. And don't get me started an all their constant whinning and bitching. You think they were the ones with the cancer. Um no, that's the patients, so shut the eff up.

Captain Steve said...

Beat them down! Beat them down into tiny little oozing pulps!

Not that I condone violence. At all. Ever.

Anonymous said...

I don't know. You should work with some of the women...excuse me, ladies I work with. A lot of them come from rich ass families and mommy and daddy pay for everything and they get a job where I work because it'll be fun. When they actually have to do work they complain and they high-tail it out of here when it's quitting time.

I feel for you. Someone stole one of my Mello-Yellos out of the fridge and I went off!!! Now I label them with my name really big on each one. Sad, huh??

There is so much more I could say about them, maybe I'll go bitch in my blog about it. :)

Love Bites said...

You've just articulated the difference between me, and one of my peers, who we lovingly refer to as "the princess." She believes it's beneath her to open a box, pack a box, ship a box, or put anything away.

Fuck that noise. None of us are any better than the rest of us. We all need to do grunt work at times, and there is no damn shame in it.