Wednesday, July 16, 2008

How Much Of A Lazy Fat Ass Am I?

One of my best friends in the entire world informed me that her doctor said that the difference between a fit person and an overweight person is about 2000 steps a day. I argued that Big Mac's, thyroid conditions and genetics might break that theory but I had to let it go. My husband says I'm much too argumentative anyway.

My super smart friend then told me that 2000 steps is about equal to 30-minutes of walking at a decent pace. Again? I could not argue... She has a pedometer and has lost roughly 70 pounds. That makes her slightly more the authori-TAY than my happy ass.

If you've been here for a while you probably know, I have a fat ass. Not only do I have a fat ass but I have the largest thighs you've probably ever seen on a girl that appears to be as relatively thin as I do.

Let's take a moment to thank my mother for her wonderful additon of "thunder thighs" to my genetic milkshake. My sister and I do this often. I also have the double blessing of my paternal grandmother's giant hips.

Thanks for nothing, Grandma.

*I* am not overweight. My thighs are overweight. I have an awesome pear shape. And by awesome I mean it totally blows goats and I've been hating my ass-half since it started to curve outwardly when I was a teenager.

Since birthing the third one, I have not just 'snapped back' into shape and it pisses me off to no end. I'm entirely not okay with this.

Not in the slightest.

My husband once told me that I will never be overweight because I would never allow myself to be. Let me stop right here and say that I do have a family history of weight issues. My mother struggled after my kid brother was born and her mother went through a bout with it as well.

I've been blessed with height which neither of those fine ladies has. My mother is 5'2" and my grandmother is 5'. Having this much height means it pretty much just settles in my ass. I know that. That makes it a fact.

Okay, so I won't allow myself to be overweight - but guess what? My body, much like a teenage girl - doesn't give two shits about what I will or will not "allow". I'm going to have to work for this shit obviously.

Last night I got home, loaded Crazyman into his stroller and off we went. We zoomed around the neighborhood and I counted my steps for the first bit until I could guess by my pace how many I was taking. I took a detour through the school parking lot to allow extra steps and I hefted myself up the hilly stretch like it was my job.

When I got home I was winded and I was sweaty.

A 30-minute walk kicked my ass. Is that the saddest thing you've ever heard? I'd like to blame the sweatiness on the fact that it was 90+ degrees but really? Let's face it.

I'm horrifically out of shape.

But I did it!

And then I celebrated with a few beers and fried mozzarella sticks.

Tonight? Two thousand FIVE HUNDRED steps.



Anne said...

Right on! I also went for a walk last night. Gettng on the treadmill was last thing I wanted to do at 10pm, but I did it and I'm glad I did.
I'm also blessed with curves but in the last year or so I've started to really love them when I wear skirts. Short on the other hand, you'll never see me wear them, nobody needs to see these huge pasty white thighs!

KaritaG said...

I have big thighs too. I used to run a ton and since jacking my ankle snowboarding a few years ago run less and walk more. And guess what? It works just as well as running, IMHO, and isn't so hard on your body. Yay for you, for doing something for yourself!

Betsey Booms said...

Ooooh, I'm so glad that you think walking works as well as running. As I saw a lady take off running whle I was walking I felt like a loser but now I don't.

And skirts are my best buddy!

Lara said...

After the pumpkin was born, I lost very little for 9 months. The hubby bought me a 5 month membership to a local rec/fitness center for my Christmas gift. I went three times a week to walk laps.. and in those 5 months I lost 1 1/2 inches off of my thighs and got back to my pre-baby weight and into my clothes again. Of course, then I hit 40 and discovered I had to work harder. Laziness is way more fun.

But really, once you get used to it and find something that you can enjoy doing, exercise isn't all THAT horrid. Ok, it IS horrid, but it's at least survivable. Mostly survivable, anyway.

Just find the balance that helps you be happy with yourself. That's all that really matters. :)

Dirty Pirate Hooker said...

I also have big thighs from being a water polo goalie and having to tread up to my mid thigh area to block the goal, so the thighs never went away...walking has not helped those for me, but who knows, maybe it will work for you!!!

Good luck and be proud of yourself for getting out there and doing it. That's the hardest part.

Allie Bear said...

It's that time of year I think, everyone is wanting to shed some pounds. I started weight watchers with my husband and we've been trying to walk (gave up on running) but it keeps raining in the evenings here, maybe tonight will be the night we get to walk. Good for you for trying to be healthier.

Jan-o-rama said...

Let me join your big thighs/butt club. I know I'm lucky because I love to exercise (makes for a good living too).
I do understand how most people feel about exercise because that's how I feel about housework.:) A necessary evil! And walking is good for you. As a rule, you'll burn 100 calories/mile. You know I'll help you any way I can! Walk Forrest Walk!

Anonymous said...

I gained 70 lbs. when I was pregnant. 70! Two years later I look closer to my old size, but jiggly. Ew. I go for walks, but I'm all about instant gratification, and since I don't see results fast nough, I stop. Good for ou for at least giving it a go. I really should too.

Pam said...

well, I need some serious fashion tips from you - you look fabulous in ever picture I see of you. Me on the other hand- I have a big butt and huge thighs. And now I have small saggy boobs. I need a boob job and some liposuction to fix this post baby mess. And, I am horrified to turn into my parents-I love them, but it isn't a pretty picture!

Lisa..... said...

DPH is NOT allowed to claim she has big thighs. I have seen her photos. I, on the other hand, have thighs the size of some girls waists. Seriuosly. I know all about the pear shape and is sucks. Good luck to us in our getting back into shape!

Ce said...

Someone should confirm this, but I've heard that speed-walking burns more calories than running because of the resistance.

On another note, I did an exercise study this summer that involved wearing a pedometer, and I realized that it's really easy to fit in several hundred extra steps. I never could commit to exercising regularly but walking I have to do anyway, so it's easy to make it part of my routine. I'm not sure what Kansas City is like but in Boston you can pretty much walk everywhere until it starts snowing. Then you go just try stay out of the muck for the next five months.

Btw--from what I've read of your blog (including that one very honest entry you wrote) I think you're pretty awesome. I'm also a fan of the new apron style. :)