Thursday, July 10, 2008

Being A Popular Dork

I have never been successful at the popularity game. Mostly because I have the random day (more often than not) where giving a shit seems too much like a chore. And I hate chores. My whole life I've hung out on the fringe. I know the popular kids, I even hang out with them. I also know the weird kids, the artistic kids and the weird, artistic kids that still manage to be popular.

I like everyone. Well, let me edit myself by saying I like everyone except the super popular, bitchy chick that picks on people. Yeah, I've always given her a smack down. A few times in my life the second that chick opens her mouth to bully someone, I'm down her throat before she can even know what's going on. Like the girl I went to school with that I oinked at in the lunch room. She wasn't overweight by any means. But she was mean and terribly evil and even then I had a big enough interest in the human mind to know that even the skinniest teenage girl will not appreciate and more than likely require therapy, over getting oinked at while waiting in line for her Manager's Choice with white milk.

I bully the bully. I always have. I always will.

So here I am. This pseudo popular, weird, kind of artistic girl who gets along with everyone. In high school I hung with the jocks, the kids with the garage band, the jocks who smoked pot with the garage band and even the theatre kids. Okay, I lie, I didn't like the theatre kids. They were really, really nerdy. Even when the theatre coach asked me to try out for plays, I knew my delicate social standing couldn't handle that kind of jolt. Most of my life I've been eager to please. I've spent a good amount of time trying to figure out what is the happy medium so that everyone thinks I'm cool. Really, time has taught me there is no happy medium so you have to shit or get off the pot, which is truly a lovely saying. Can you say that and still appear to be a lady at all? I didn't think so but my lady status was revoked long ago. So as it goes you have to pick a thing and commit. Commit bitch.

Um yeah.

So at the ripe old age of 30 (I have a whole month of being 30 left, stop laughing), I've committed to who I am and refuse to do things to please anyone. Well except maybe my husband because he, you know, loves me and my bosses because they, you know, pay me. Oh and let's not forget the kids. I mean, I should please them. I gave them life, I better make it worth living. At random points through my blogging life (which has not yet reached a year) I have had brief flings with popularity. I know a few of the popular blog kids. I've talked to them and exchanged a few emails. And trust me, there is a reason they are popular. And it has nothing to do with what they do in the car behind the school.

There have been moments where I've been uber excited because, holy shit, I got more than 20 comments. Which by the way, they do not make 'I got more than 20 comments' plates, cups and napkins unless you special order them. My party was a success anyway. But here's the thing. I can't commit to it. I can't commit to trying to be popular in my blog existence. I tend towards being brash, bold and a little off-putting, but not brash enough to be cool about it. I can't even commit to being an asshole.

When it comes to my peeps, I'm totally committed. When it comes to me? Yeah, um no. Here's what I'm saying, I know it's been a rough road getting here. I've only now just gotten to the point where I kind of like who I am. That falls far behind on the cool threshold and I don't know who to blame for the fact that I've felt realitively uncommitted to being me my whole life. And doesn't blame always need to be laid somewhere?

Yes, yes it does.

So while I figure out who to blame for my "not-likey-me-ness" and stop muttering under my breath about how much some people absolutely love themselves beyond all reason, I'm going to wish all you cool kids going to Blogher a safe and happy trip. Oh and dream of getting over 30 comments on one posting. Because seriously? I know they have to make cups and plates for that shit. Which only points out how rad cupcakes are. They can be made to say whatever the hell I want.


Anonymous said...

You're super popular in my book. And that? Is all that counts :)

At least in my little world where one can survive on cake, tequila and trips to Target.

Dirty Pirate Hooker said...

LOL popularity is so funny. There are quite a few of my bloggy friend (you are included in that) that I think are WAY cooler than me and I always worry if they like me or whatever or feel obligated to read my blog and comment. It's so gay, huh?


Anonymous said...

I hit that point when I turned 18, and then I noticed there were people who actually appreciated that I didn't want to be like verybody else. And I have always talked shit to the bully, and even though I've made an effort to be a nicer person, I can't help but still be mean to a bully. The way I see it, they have it coming!
Congrats on the comments! I remember I was SO excited when I got my first one, it seemed like it took months!

Allie Bear said...

You rock, everything about you rocks. There are always going to be people that don't like you and people that love you, as long as you are who you want to be the bitches that don't like you can go fuck themselves.

Dirty Pirate Hooker said...

I have a question for you...

Have you considered doing kids aprons? My punk has a couple and it seems like that would be a big thing. Just a thought!

Immoral Matriarch said...

Fuck anyone who has the nerve to dislike the Booms. :D

J said...

You mean there are people out there who don't like you?


I didn't think that was possible!

Oh, well.

There are stupid people out there who judge you for shit you can't contro. I call them assholes. Or douchebags. Oh! Or shitheads.

Pam said...

what? 20 comments? I think the most I ever got was 15 and I thought that was rocking. Of course, I was trying to be all cool and popular in the bloggy world and then I realized how much flippin' time it takes. And I just don't have that. So I am cutting back and just hanging with my original gang and a few who I feel I have a lot in common with in the young kids, working mommy department- hey, good news- that is you on all those! ;)

Anonymous said...

My friend runs a political blog and is very successful at it. He asked me one day if I minded that no one comments on my blog. Of course not, it was never put up to win a popularity contest or even to be a writer. It's therapy for me. It's just me being me and the way I feel is if you don't like it don't read it. So what you see is what you get.

Lily's Mommy said...

ummmm, I'm a little drunk and that was confusing. Cuz you don't commit to anything but you want 30 comments? Can we just send you the napkins so you'll be happy?

Also, I'd really like it if you can, could, post a cupcake recipe. I had to buy some fuckers today and the bakery had a $30 minimum for debit cards, WTF?, and now I have a huge cake in my fridge, cuz I had, to have the cupcake. You know?

Anyway, I love you. :)

Kat said...

LOL, for real. Seriously, being blog "popular" does take a LOT of time, and I wonder... whats it all for? I read some people who have a lot of readers because their writing is amazing & they don't seem to work at it much beyond that. And I read some whose blogs are intensely mediocre, but have a huge following, because they work really hard at that shit.

And I always wonder.... for what? The few dollars in ad revenue they muster up every month? Because they have nothing really better to do? That's not to be judgemental, but really... they spend so much time on blogging and getting popular, they can't have a shitload of other stuff going on, right? For some, it seems like just BEING POPULAR is the end goal in itself, and fuck me, but that's way too much work just for people to LIKE me, you know? Well, I know YOU know, after this post. =) I'll just keep liking you because you're one of the honest, quirky, supercool kids on the fringe.