Wednesday, August 12, 2009

She Was A Good Blog. She Always Tried Her Best And Never Ate Too Much...

I think it's pretty obvious that Betsey Booms has been dying a slow death for a while now.

She's sickly and inhibited. She coughs even on her best days. She has a swagger, but it is eerily similar to Val Kilmer's in Tombstone. I said it was time for some changes and one of those changes seems to be location, location, location.

When I was younger and untethered to the big people responsibilities that make up life, I used to just pick up and move when I felt the urge. The urge to spread my wings, to run through the field, dragging a technicolor kite behind me.

I'd pack up my paltry belongings and throw them in the back of my car and go. I'd quit my job and get a new one, because I could wait tables or sell beauty products anywhere.

I'd change my hair color to some other place in the spectrum that is the rainbow that I hadn't yet explored and I'd start fresh and breathe.

Just breathe.

Lately? I can't breathe. I just can't breathe. I try, I make the motions of the breath and I pull the air in and it's just jagged, sharp and not right.

I've been told this could be a move that rates high on a scale of 1 to stupid. And I think it's a risk I'm willing to take.

My question is, do you want to go with me or do you want to hang out here?

You can hang out here. But I've got to go. I've got to go splash some bright paint on some white walls. I've got to go ponder which wall my second hand couch would look just right on.

I've got to go and see how loud the neighbors in another building are. Do they party? Do they stomp? Do they smoke pot that will waft down through the vents when I'm trying to sleep or read quietly to myself?

Will there be hobo's that will dig in my trash? Should I leave little treats for the hobos, in clean bags that are tied at the top with brightly colored post-it notes letting them know the good stuff is in that bag?

Because I do that, you know. Only you wouldn't, because I haven't told you.

I leave goody bags for hobos.

That is who I am. Do you know this?

What will happen to BoomTube? Well,I think she might stay. I'm pretty sure you will still be able to tune in there. Because there? On BoomTube, I can talk and smile and laugh and I'm fine with you seeing it. Those of you who look but don't speak. I'm okay with you seeing me.

Here? Not so much. My co-worker knows where my blog is and that doesn't bother me, so much as those of you that I can see reading and not saying anything. Because I can you know, see you. How long you spend, what you read, how long you hang around.

It sort of feels like I'm locked in my bathroom. You know I'm crying, I know you know I'm crying... But we're both too embarrassed to say anything. But still you hang, in my living room, with a cocktail... Just waiting to see my mood change.

Some days I smile, a lot. Some days I cry, a lot. Some days, I do neither but think of weirdly fantastic things in my head.

So it's time. I'll still Twitter as Betsey. I'll still BoomTube you. Jason will still play records for you.

I just have to write somewhere else.

If you would like to email me, to find out where I am. Then please do, BetseyBooms@gmail.com. But if I don't tell you, don't be hurt. I can't imagine that I won't tell most of you.

Or maybe I won't.

We'll see.

26 comments:

Gypsy said...

Until we meet again. And it better damn well be soon.

(Also, this, too, was good.)

J said...

Sometimes goodbye is a second chance.

Annabelle said...

There are countless white walls out there screaming for your attention and I can't wait to see what you'll do with them. Muah.

Ginny said...

I got here relatively late in the game, and I'm not done with you, so yes, I want to watch you paint walls. Or write. Whatever.

for a different kind of girl said...

The screaming. I've been forgetting to do the screaming outloud. I need to do that. Everything in my head right now? Yeah, you wrote it beautifully. Please take me with you. Please?

Immoral Matriarch said...

"I've got to go splash some bright paint on some white walls. I've got to go ponder which wall my second hand couch would look just right on. "

Does that mean what I think it means? Because if it does omg I'm so excited.

Lara said...

I wouldn't mind seeing where you go next and what you write about, because when you're good, you're very good. But then again, I didn't comment a lot here because lately I just couldn't relate. So I won't be offended if you say no.

And I won't wet my pants in excitement if you say yes either. Not because I wouldn't be excited, but mostly just because I really, really hate walking around in wet pants.

Lisa..... said...

Aww, I kinda liked Val Kilmer all sickly. ANd I like your writing.

But I'm always up for change...if you're, um, inviting me.

Miss Yvonne said...

I hope you tell me where you're going. Because otherwise how will I stalk you? Come on, everyone needs a stalker! I mean, I'll be a fun stalker...not a scary, stab you stalker. More like a follow you home and hide behind trees stalker. But in a totally non cut you way.

Yeah, I'm not getting invited, am I?

Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub said...

I always seem to drop in on your site when something big is happening....

I love your likening of the silent readers as hangers-on at a party. Can you imagine if everyone who stopped by left a comment? That would be amazing.

Good luck taking it on the road. :)

Neil said...

Take care.

slouchy said...

Aww, and I've just found you, too.

formerly fun said...

Hey BB, I'll come over and watch the paint dry with you if you like. New spaces are fun and can be inspiring.

la isla d'lisa said...

I am beyond desolate (well, not really in the GRAND scheme of things, but you know what I mean) having just recently stumbled upon Betsey Booms. Um, so yeah. I want in. Please. Please? Puh-leeze!

flutter said...

where you go, I follow

Not Afraid to Use It said...

I followed you once, I'll do it again. Just sent the email.

MiStY said...

i cry silent tears. so long bb, you will be missed. can't wait to see what you do next :)

Anonymous said...

We will ALL miss you, Betsey! I hope I'm included in your list of invitees. Thanks for the insight, laughs, tears, giggles, and good times!

Harleygurl said...

I would hate to not be able to keep up with your writings. I don;t comment a lot but thats just because I am not nearly as witty as you. I do so hope I am invited if you go elsewhere. Please take your fellow Kansas Citian!

NinjaMom said...

I haven't left many comments, even though I've been reading, just because I've had my own crisis to deal with.

Isn't Zoloft amazing???

Good luck on the new adventure and hope I get to tag along too. :)

Trouble said...

You better invite me, beyotch. Or I'll kick you in the uterus. Just sayin.

But yeah, I know the need to do this, and I understand it, totally.

Evil Twin Sister said...

I cannot tell you how many times I have clicked the "comment" button (with something witty, stupid or WTF)only to change my mind 'cause I thought, "She doesn't want to hear from me! She doesn't know me. And she definitely doesn't want to hear whatever stupid thing I'm about to say..."
So I changed my mind and hit the back button and red other people's comments and then just "walked" away with my head down...

Shit sounds good in my head, but when I put it down in words... it sometimes... just... sort of...
SUCKS.
So I choose to simply read your stuff and make myself shut the hell up!

But I love you anyway, in my own way. I like reading your shit.

And when I went back in your posts and red everything about Jadon... I cried. And I mean real tears. And I don't do that.
But for you (and him and his sister and everybody else) I did.
But I knew that anything I might say would mean nothing to you. Because I there is NO WAY I could help you to feel better in any small way. Because that is something humans simply do not "get over".

And I'm rambling waaaay too much.

Sweet Mama Jones said...

I get the fresh start so much. I've been a follower but not so much a commenter, but I'm willing to change! lol I started reading to you over a Jaden post...cause I have a Katie and I know how it sucks to be the mom of a dead child. And I get the emotions. Hope to be in on the new blog link, I'll email ya too but wanted to say something here so you know, you don't wonder who the hell is this...
SMJ

Kirbs said...

I never thought about the weirdness of knowing you're being read by someone who just doesn't comment. Let's just say that I'm not a funny person but I'm an really great audience for funny people(complete with air-punching when called for). I've laughed to tears here many times.

I'll email separately to find the new blog location.

Blues said...

I get it. Everyone is free to go where they want on the internet but for some reason I felt creeped out by the people that read and didn't speak up. It felt like they were peeking in my windows and I didn't know why they wouldn't just knock on the door and come hang out.

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