Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Becoming Mrs. Booms, Act One

It was early Autumn, 1996. I had just crossed over into that great beyond that lies past childhood. I wasn't quite an adult. I could no longer live with my parents simply because bitch slapping those who gave you life is considered insulting or just down right rude.

I was stumbling around in the world, trying to find my place. Trying to act like a big person, mostly just clinging onto that youth that I never really had to begin with. I had been forced to grow up way too fast and now I just didn't want to be a grown up at all.

I had already forsaken college and had moved on to cosmetology school, which with just one short month in, I already knew it was a big mistake. Just like nursing, this wasn't my field. Mostly because touching other people was, to put it simply, for other people to do. Not me.

That leap, that jump to this school was going to be the thing that changed my entire life. I would only spend roughly three months there, but my life would never be the same. The thing about "beauty school" is that unless you've got a wide gap between it and your high school years, there isn't a lot of difference. Except this time? Your entire class is just. bitchy. girls.

That's it. We had one dude. One, lonely yet lucky, lucky dude. I spent the first two-weeks hanging with the only girl who pushed the nerdy envelope in the class. And, to put it mildly, she was dull. So very dull. I actually concentrated on braiding hair in that time. Which, by the way, I can't do worth a shit. It was the worst way to start the schooling. However, when we got to updo's, guess who won every class competition.

Me, bitches, me. Now, shut up or I'll stab you with a hair pin.

During those quiet two weeks, if I had known, if only I had known, I would have slept more.

Soon, the mean, rough girls that were loud and obnoxious could no longer be avoided. They were going to drag me into their world and there was not a damn thing I could do about it. The truth of the matter was, they had no idea what they were doing. Inviting me into their little world, would only invite them out.

The three of us were trouble. Their names were Summer and Shay. Summer and Shay had never, ever been mistaken for nice girls in their entire lives. I was still commonly mistaken for one in those days. Okay, the jig is up, I still am... ssssh.

After the first glitter covered club night with those two, I don't remember one more thing about school. But, as you might have guessed, not one of the three of us ended up licensed.

Class time was spent giggling and doodling. Playing with hair and whispering about things we had done the night before. It was a giant slumber party that my parents were paying for. My hair changed colors more than I changed my underwear, you know, when I wore it.

Shay had a steady that wasn't so steady and Summer was already on her second boyfriend since I'd met her. Little did I know at the time, that both of Summer's men would play a part in my life. The first one, RJ, didn't last long. But let me put this out there for you to ponder. RJ was in the Army. At the time, he of course, had a roomie. That roomie would later become my ex-husband. And later? RJ would share a house with my current husband. And yet? He had nothing to do with my meeting them, because you see. I never met, as my daughter calls him, Uncle RJ when he was dating Summer.

Summer then started dating someone new. Someone different.

Every day she'd come into class with a story about her new beau. How cute he was, how great he was. Our evenings were spent in her parent's basement, which honestly, was bigger than any of the houses I had ever lived in. We put in her new boyfriend's mix tape and giggle some more and dance. And she would get very serious and say, "If he knew I was letting you listen to this, he'd be so mad." Why would be mad? Probably because he was just a fledgling DJ. Spinning records on his friend's deck, in his one room basement apartment.

When I listened to those tapes, I listened. I mean, I really, really, listened. I don't know why. I still don't know why I hung on her every word when she talked about him. But I did. And with every word, with every song, with every beat I fell in love.

I had never seen his face. I had never heard his voice. I had never touched his hand.

Then it happened.

Summer and I had spent the afternoon shopping (her mostly lifting) and getting ready to head out for what would be the very first party in a warehouse I would ever attend. I was going to a rave, kids. First stop, however, was to pick him up.

We drove her convertible Mustang down to the part of town that I lived in when my mom was a single mother and roaches were our roommates. We parked behind the building, walked through the crumbled lot, through the basement door that didn't close all the way, we passed the washers and dryers and knocked on his door.

It opened. She said, "This is Jason".

I kid you not, this is what really happened.

My eyes met his.

And, my heart dropped into my stomach, and my stomach dropped into my shoes.

The she said, "And this is Mike." I tore my gaze away from those blue eyes to meet more blue eyes, in a heavily freckled face.

I hated Mike. HATED. HIM. So what did I do? I ended up dating him. So not worth your time. Or mine for that matter. All the way to the party, in the backseat of that Mustang, Mike annoyed the holy living hell out of me.

When we got to the party, Summer said "This is James."

Six months later, Mike would cheat on me.

A year after that, James and I would be married.

Jason? Well...

All I can say is that I must have been emitting some toxic pheromones that night.

To be continued...


Gypsy said...

I wanna hear more! My heart was dropping right there with you. And, oh, those blue-eyed boys.

BusyDad said...

Awesome story! Although I did need a spreadsheet to follow all that. But well worth the effort, I say. Can't wait to read more.

Mojo126 said...

Please don't make me wait. Even though I know the ending, I'm hooked. Get typing woman!

Bird Shit and Baby Caca said...

I can't wait to hear the rest!

Miss Yvonne said...

I squealed like a 13 year old girl when I saw that you were posting your love story. Ahhh, romance.

*is holding her chin in her hand and sighing into her spreadsheets at work*

P.S. Bitch, you kiss my cat in August I swear to baby jesus I will honk your boobs.

Blues said...

Wow, this post is packed.

There are so many little side stories stemming from details that don't get told here, that I eventually hope I hear.

Sam Mohr said...

I want the next installment, lady! Ante up!

cozzie laura said...

supa star story, and by the way, I would have totally whispered and giggled and gotten in trouble with you too!

Sarah said...

Oooo, goody, I love a good romance. Thanks for sharing Betsey!

Anonymous said...

Funcking tease....


Anonymous said...

And yet that was supposed to read:

Fucking tease...


The Gonzo Mama said...

Seriously? Jesus, Booms... you took the long way to your Mister.

You should have put roofies in Summer's drink, passed her to the closest raver, and made your escape with Jason that night.

That's what I would have done.

But, you know, I'm a merciless whore like that.

Bridget said...

I love it! I'm rehashing the great meeting of B too on Yellaphant! Isn't it so fun to sit down and remember all of this stuff?

Bridget said...

I should clarify that I'm a bebee and I'm only looking back 4 years. But still, fun!

formerly fun said...

Love it, you made all your big mistakes with the first two then gave Mr. Booms a go. Talk about 6 degrees of separation.