Monday, May 11, 2009

But I Love Him, Why Is He Doing This To Me?

The Dude turns two in two weeks.



In the past two weeks he's mastered the temper tantrum fit from hell.



I cannot believe a sound so horrible and soul punching can come out of something that I love so entirely.



I'm kind of starting to feel like I can't function anymore. He just won't stop being a jerk.



It's like its his thing now. Like being a total dick is his hobby. He's not a dick, he's an adorable little boy with a solid streak of naughty running through him. And, I love that naughty monkeyness. I just wish it didn't come with the sound of a pterodactyl being drawn and quartered along with it.

I swear, I've never shin-kicked a toddler before, but he makes it seem tempting.

Instead? I just hold and love his little evil self.

Even when he crawls into my bed in just a diaper on Mother's Day with Jason prompting him to say the much practiced "Happy Mother's Day", he instead screamed "NOOOOOO!", hit me in the face and then laid there half naked, tweaking his baby nipples.

I'm not sure I can all the glamour associated with being his mother.

20 comments:

Blues said...

terrible terrible twos. He is extremely cute though.

Day said...

Sounds like a little trouble maker in the makin'!

kimberly-327 said...

Yeah, I have a needy little 16 month old leaning on me and screaming as I write this. This is his 40,000 tantrum tonight.

My point? I feel your pain, sister...and he's about a millisecond from his own baby shin kick. For serious.

for a different kind of girl said...

Oh, he's going to make some nice girl so happy one day after you've raised him up right. Smile through the tantrums...don't let him see you cry, woman. That's when they know they've won (and thus, I am defeated...)

Lily's Mommy said...

I'm so glad that I'm not the only one. When my 2 year old wears her bicycle (tricycle) helmet, I get in my licks and thunk her on the head whenever she walks by. shhhhh don't tell.

I have to admit to being a little whatever about the tantrums. It's when she's quiet and sneaky that I pay. For example, this morning I was cooking a delicious ham steak. My fault for leaving it undefended. When I came back, it was covered in alum and no longer edible. The PB on toast was no consolation.

I've heard that the horrible 3s are worse??? I'm totally getting a vicodin prescription for that year.

A Free Man said...

Christ, tell me about it. The bastard can be so sweet but then can be an utter belligerent terror. It's like living with a tiny violent schizophrenic sometimes. And for some fucked up reason we're having another?

maggie, dammit said...

Happy birthday, sweet little not-a-dick. ;)

prayingtodarwin said...

I hate unsolicited advice.

But here's some anyways.

Somebody put it like this for me: at 2, their whole job is to test the boundaries. They are REQUIRED to be little assholes, because 2 is when they're figuring out how far they can go. When I heard it like that, it made it more manageable for me. Little dude was just doing his job, working for the man, just like I was.

prayingtodarwin said...

Oh, plus, I drank a lot. Still do.

MommaKiss said...

Super cute evil child. Nooooo is my little kid's favorite word. Even when he means yes. Turd.

Gypsy said...

All I'm going to say is, if you dress him like a Chad... well, you know the rest.

I kid! I hope he simmers down some soon, and Happy Almost Birthday to him.

rachie! said...

He is so damn cute, Booms.

I love kids up until they can talk, then not so much until they learn to be nice. (So, like 25 or so). Yes, I'm going to have to come to terms with this in the next two years :)

Miss Yvonne said...

Oh my God, his pink cheeks are killing me. It's your fault really...you made the kid too cute so he has to be a little devil to make up for it.

The nipple tweaking....classic.

Gwen said...

There. I'm so there with you. My dude is just over two now, but his favorite hobby is total. utter. dickness. Not all the time. Right after he wakes up, he's rather cuddly and cute. And maybe throughout the day - 3 or 4 times his "true" personality peeks through.

Is your dude getting in his molars or otherwise unhealthy? That's what's causing our heartache on this side. It sucks.

Mongoliangirl said...

OH LITTLE SHITS! When I was foster parenting back in the 90's those kids had the tantrum DOWN! Everything you can think of, they did. Other than set fire to the house. Of course, that wouldn't have surprised me.
My trick? Let them lay there biting themselves, screaming, deep breathing and whatever else they could come up with. No response from me until they had a little break and I would say, "Hug?" Sometimes that would set them off for another hour. But always, they would eventually come over for a hug and it would be over.

Hippo brigade said...

mine's two too! And, hold on to your FUC*IN' hat! The tantrums are pretty awful. I wrote a blog post on her birthday, I was suppose to write something nice an loving, but instead I wrote about what a brat she is turning into.
Now she's 2 and three months, and the tantrums have subsided. I don't know it it's because I'm that amazing, or the threat of multiple shin kicks is actually working.

Lolly said...

Si that's what I have to look forward to! AWESOME!

Bridget said...

I left you some non dickheadbabyishness over at my blog today. Check it.

Gwen said...

See my daughter is almost four and still pulling that bullshit, which started way before 2. More like birth. So, yes it is incredibly challenging. My daughter punched me in the face AND told me she hated me on Mother's Day. Many times. So my daughter is a total bitch and I love every tiny bitchy ounce of her. But she is worrisome in her naughtiness. Wish I could say it gets better - probably in your case it will because your son has the face of a sweetheart.

Sarah said...

Oh goddess, I remember those days. I cant even count on my hands how many nights ended with us both crying. Bedtime was the worst. Oh, and bath time. I thought I was doing something wrong, as it turns out..all kids turn into Satan for a little while at that age.