Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Satan Speaks, I Listen

Last night, Crazyman's daycare provider sent home the monthly newsletter. I have now dubbed this newsletter "Satan Speaks."

This month's issue tells us all about how this week is Dr. Seuss week and that he will need to wear his crazy socks on Wednesday and bring his favorite stuffed animal on Friday.

The she tells us about the freaking two weeks she will be taking off this summer with one of them being paid. Paid by us. Fantastic. No really, that was one of my favorite parts. I get it, everyone needs a vacation, but two weeks back to back. Oh the convenience of that is unspeakable! (Bartender - another round please, this is a red letter day!)

But that wasn't my ultimate favorite part. No, the part that I will be highlighting, reading, re-reading, making a collage out of, printing on t-shirts, taking out billboards and carefully cutting out, gluing to a little doily heart with glitter, oh so much glitter and putting under my pillow at night so I can have sweet dreams about those fun little words - is the part where, even though she admits it won't be popular, the kids are no longer allowed to bring personal objects and toys.

I get it. I really do. But do you know who does not get it? Who is not at all reasonable about it? Who would actually prefer to tear off my face, rather than hear the very rational words I'm uttering, words that sound very much like, "you cannot take the ball with you today"?

The first attempt at explaining the new policy this morning resulted in him not brushing his teeth. I saw the logic there. Perhaps if he just handed me the toothbrush back then he could take the ball.

Makes total sense. (Yes, I'll have a Bud Light, please.)

Until he threw himself on the floor and ended up in his bed until I was done getting ready. Somewhere in that mix he managed to half undress himself as well.

Then he came down the hall, ready to go, with a baseball glove and not one ball, but two. Sensing the challenge I manned up and actually got him to put the glove and the ball in the toy box.

The BALL, not BALLS. (Yeah, just leave the bottle, there's a big tip in it for you.)

At this point, I actually see no sense in going any further. All I'm going to say is that the results were AMAZING and complete with my kid tossing himself into a snowbank, sans coat, minus hat and the newly created policy being repealed JUST FOR HIM.

I compensated for the whole thing with ironic music selections for the drive into the office. I let Dave Gahan's voice swirl around me and encourage me to Enjoy The Silence. And then? I went straight into this.

Because it truly is a fine day.


UPDATED: Do you ever do something stupid and with little thought and THAT is the thing you get noticed for?

All the time.

15 comments:

for a different kind of girl said...

Having been there...OMG, having been there...reading this gave me the chills.

I'm cracking a six pack after hitting 'send.'

Dirty Pirate Hooker said...

Ok, here's what I don't understand: "no more toys at daycare" and then "friday is bring your fav stuffed animal". WTF? Talk about confusing shit for kids!

KaritaG said...

That seems crazy for kids that little. I mean, I get it, but where do you draw the line? No blankets, cups, what? And what DPH said...sometimes the rules don't apply? I'd have been pissed too. Go Crazyman.

kaila said...

When my little guy was at daycare, the only way he would fall asleep at nap time was with his favorite matchbox car. Then they did the unthinkable and laid down the law with "no toys from home" rule. Guess who stopped taking naps? They couldn't understand why. Horrible, horrible rule.

Jessica Gottlieb said...

Not to give too much parenting advice, but my M.O. on stuff like that is to bring the ball anyhow and let the teacher explain it to him.

Yeah, I know teachers hate me.

Gypsy said...

Dave Gahan makes all things more bearable.

mongoliangirl said...

Woah! Hey! Wow! WTF with that Skittles thing? Betsey!?
Your post reminds me of when I was raising my oldest nephew and he 'drove' a grocery cart into an old woman, through a cracker display, and then began ripping his clothing off. In about 12 seconds. All because he wanted me to go in a different direction down an aisle.

Betsey Booms said...

Well at least I'm not the only one livin' the dream there!

Kellie said...

Seriously? I get not wanting toys and crap from home. But, if an item from home brings the kid comfort? WTF?! She should alter that rule and say they CAN bring one small thing from home to be used at nap/quiet time ONLY. If my kid were in daycare and couldn't have her Bunny or Doggie at naptime, the nap would NOT happen.

DPH hit this one on the head. "I'm sorry Crazyman. You can't bring your ball anymore. But, on Friday, be sure to bring your favorite stuffed animal." Wha What?!

Maggie, Dammit said...

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

(I'm laughing at the update, that was pretty funny. The rest? Not so much.) (Although I'm stealing your name for the newsletter.) (One more set of parens cuz I like things in threes.)

Maggie, Dammit said...

(Shit! The not so much funny in no way meant I didn't think how you wrote it was funny because it was, as always. I meant that it's not funny that your daycare lady is purposely trying to ruin the lives of the little children in her care. Clearly. Going now.)

Anonymous said...

Okay, I've been lurking for a while, but HAD to comment on the irony of the new "no things from home" rule coming in the newsletter that reminded you to send a favorite stuffed animal on Friday...

Our girls drag the most random shit into daycare, then promptly forget about it five minutes after walking in. That cheesy plastic dinosaur that caused a meltdown when we almost left home without it? Tucked into the (unused, I am sad to say) potty chair to free little fingers up to play with... oooo... an empty oatmeal carton!

Gonzo Parenting Zine said...

And that... that up there... that previous comment... that was me. Damn my web-by-phone...

Miss Yvonne said...

I'm just gonna say it. Your daycare lady is an asshole. OMG, two weeks in a row off? Awww, Hell to the No!

Sarah said...

Yeah, I'd totally do the passive aggressive thing and let crazyman take whatever and then say, "Oh my gosh, I didn't realise he still had his ball....... See ya!" On the other hand, you don't want the person looking after your kid hating you... (Also, I don't actually see the logic of not letting kids take their own toys from home. Why?)