Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Her Response

When I initially decided to go ahead with the breast augmentation I told my sister. Well I didn't tell her at first but there isn't much I don't tell my sister. It didn't help that my husband would make drunken references to my new tata's in front of her. I mean she is a teacher, it was only a matter of time before she worked that one out, not to mention when I showed up with my new giant sweater puppies she wasn't really going to believe that they were the "new beer gut".

When telling her I made her agree to the fine print of the deal that stated that she would not tell our mother. And when I say don't tell mom, it's not because I don't want her to know - she'll know eventually - it's that I don't need my decision to be gossip fodder for the family. That will all happen in due time, right?

Against my initial thoughts and wishes I went ahead and emailed my mother and told her myself. Complete with the words "there, I told you. Now you know", I nervously clicked send and even blogged about waiting for her response.

For the record, I'm still waiting.

Even though I saw her last night.

There will undoubtedly not be any response. There just won't be unless I hear it through the grapevine that are my siblings. Passive Agressive and Avoidance are things I grew up with and had to work through as an adult. I didn't understand that the rest of world didn't sweep things under the carpet and not speak to each other for days on end.

In other words, the cold shoulder was a way of life for me. We had actual icicles growing from our ceiling when I was growing up. There were weeks in the middle of August that a parka was necessary because mom and dad were at odds.

So she came over last night to bring Monkey girl's school supplies over. One of the most awesome things about my mother is that she always gets her school supplies. My mother is a very generous gift giver as well and my dad handed me a nice check for my upcoming birthday.

The entire time I don't think my mother looked me in the eye and barely spoke directly to me. She busied herself playing with Crazyman and looking at everything but me. My dad was his usual silly self and didn't say anything about it so I don't think he knows. Jason quietly asked me if she knew, I said she did. I'm sure she heard us but still nothing came from that way.

And nothing will.

Someday she'll probably casually look at my chest and say something like "did you go big enough" or something else that takes a degree in psychology to fully determine her true meaning. It's okay. If I waited for her approval I'd never do anything because I don't get her approval.

I just don't.

I get her disdain and I get her disapproving looks. I get her judgment in the form of up and down glances to my appearance. I love my mother with all of my heart, but most of us know what a delicate dance the mother/daughter relationship can be. I honestly don't think she means anything by it.

If she comes across this I hope her feelings aren't hurt. I know how bad hurt feelings suck. Like I told my husband last night, if I let my feelings be hurt by it then I'd always have hurt feelings by things like there was no offer to watch Crazyman for my birthday either.

You see, here's the very best part about turning 31. The only approval I need now is from my husband and my kids and I've got that. The mother/daughter relationship that concerns me most now is the one I have with my daughter. One that I hope is going to be a very different experience for her.

I love my mom. She kind of rocks hardcore sometimes. I just know where we stand and I'm okay with that. I have to be.

12 comments:

KaritaG said...

Oh man, I know we have talked about this but I can identify so much with what you just said. Except my mom would literally break a cabinet door from slamming it with her icicle-covered hand while smiling and saying "everything's fine!" I know it's hard but at least you have worked through what I think is the most important part - knowing it's her, not you.

KaritaG said...

Oh man, I know we have talked about this but I can identify so much with what you just said. Except my mom would literally break a cabinet door from slamming it with her icicle-covered hand while smiling and saying "everything's fine!" I know it's hard but at least you have worked through what I think is the most important part - knowing it's her, not you.

J said...

I think it's so sad that your mom won't even talk to you about it. For the love of God, they are just boobs. It's not like you are going to get a face replacement or something.

For the record, I agree with the fact that you only have to worry about making your husband and children happy. The rest of the world can kiss your ass.

So, food poisoning yesterday? Or today? From what?

Allie Bear said...

It sucks that she chose to deal with it that way but it's your body and your decision.
Mothers can be so difficult, my mom and I just had a huge arguement last night, my mom likes to play the victim. Sometimes I wish I could get the cold shoulder but she just keeps calling me...lol.

Maggie, Dammit said...

You have my approval.

Naw, approval is the wrong word.

Admiration.

Dirty Pirate Hooker said...

Ok, I seriously think you just changed my life with your last 2 paragraphs. Seriously. I never thought of it that way. Now I have to think of it this way.

Deep shit for 9:31 am!!!

rubyredruca said...

I totally love my mom, but she can be very possessive with her feelings too. Especially when it comes to altering my body. But she threw me off when she told me my tattoo was pretty. I was expecting a good scolding and running for my life.

Just do what you want. You'll look good with your new boobs and the confidence you'll exude will be worth it, right? And your mom will get used to the new chest.

Don't worry!

Kellie said...

You're right. You don't need her approval, but for real? They are boobs. You're not talking about moving the family to Cambodia and living in a hut.

smallland said...

Great post! And it was awesome to read the last few paragraphs. I could take a leaf out of your book - even though I don't want my mum's approval, I can't help but seek it out. Congratulations on turning 31! It's a grand age to be.

Pam said...

Sounds a bit like my dad and I. This was so well written! I agree with you- I hope my daughter has a different experience growing up then I did. Have a fabulous birthday!!

ajillofalltrades said...

Soooo....your childhood sounds similar to mine. Crazy similar.

I am turning 30 on Sept. 2nd, so I know what you mean about the end of the world and what-not. 30 is my "scary age." This is the year that I celebrate my 29th birthday forever.

hope505 said...

awww mann....I used to really want my mom's Approval, too...just in general.